Another "I'm not in this alone" reminder

Husband and I were grocery shopping yesterday. Around the corner came a hugely pregnan woman looking as cute and perky as can be. You know the type: tall, skinny, tendy clothes, giant belly. She was browsing the shelves as her husband pushed the cart containing their groceries and 2 adorable little blond haired boys up behind her. I sighed to myself, envious of her perfect life/appearance/fertility/family and continued looking for my favorite OJ. Pefect Family moved on, leaving me and my husband behind looking for our juice. Husband leaned over and wrapped his arm around me (he's not normally touchy feely in public) and whispered ever so sweetly "They suck".

While I can't really comment on their suckage I can mentioned that I didn't feel instantly bitter over that strangers pregnancy like I probably would have a month ago.

I ovulated (woot!)

My temperature rise over the past few days has confirmed that I did indeed ovulate, even without the trigger. I'm pretty darn excited about that!

I'm hoping there's a fertile person deep down inside me and that our lackluster babymaking sex the past few days results in happy news two weeks from now.

I've been wicked uncomfortable the past few days. My ovaries feel like giant rocks moving around when I walk. I feel one meeeeellllion times better today, yay!

We received the packet from the Fertility Center of San Antonio yesterday. I can't believe that in TWO WEEKS we'll be talking to someone about moving forward with IVF. I'm ridiculously excited. Is that weird?

Here's a shout out to one of my best internet friends, K: Congrats on the BFP last night!

Good, Bad & Ugly

Good: I have an appointment for an IVF consultation on May 10th! I'm very excited. The timing should work out so this cycle will be ending just before the appointment - I think that's a good thing! And the woman I'm supposed to call if I have any questions is named Candy. Awesome!

Bad: I feel like hell. I'm grossly bloated and it hurts to button my pants. The very last thing I feel like doing is engaging in sexy time with my husband but I know if I don't and I do see the elusive BFP this cycle I will beat myself up and be regretful.

Ugly: Our insurance company is denying payment for the last 4 IUIs. Our policy states that it will cover 6 inseminations - it never clicked in my brain that 5 cycles of back to back IUIs would result in 10 inseminations. I feel like a moron for not asking about that. Thankfully it's the insemination portion of the process that's being denied and not the meds or we'd be screwed. I'd much rather use our tax refund to replace our deck but alas.

Thank you for the lovely comments on my previous post. I appreciate each and every one of them.

Speechless

There are 27 measurable follicles inside of me right now. Today was supposed to be the usual trip into the RE for a sono and trigger shot but my stupid, overproducing ovaries had to shake that up.

The good news is that I respond really great to the meds and thusly will be a fantastic candidate for IVF.

The bad news is that I was hoping to avoid IVF and get pregnant THIS cycle with a quick, easy IUI.

The only chance that is going to happen is if my E2 level comes back below 2000 (not likely) then we'll do the trigger at home (the idea of handing my husband a needle to shove in my hip is not appealing) and proceed with the IUI on Weds. & Thurs.

My feelings are so conflicted. On one hand I want to move forward with the trigger/IUI regardless. On the other, I don't want to endanger myself or any potential offspring. I'm so weary from waiting.

*******UPDATE*********

We've been cancelled. My E2 level is 2500.

PCOSMama - they're all above 10mm. Blah.

Happy Friday!

Just had a follicle scan done and things are looking good! I have 4 follicles on the right that are looking to be dominant and 2 on the left. And one meeelllliooonnnn little ones on both sides. So we're keeping on with the gonal-f for the next 3 days and we'll probably trigger on Monday (IUI on Tues & Weds.).

Any crossed fingers, good thoughts, prayers, etc. will be graciously accepted.

Happy Friday!!

Holding pattern

I wish I had something profound or interesting to report but alas, I do not. Just a big THANKS for the comments and advice on my previous post. I'll be sure to keep you (all 5 of you :-) posted on how it goes with each doctor.

I got a big folder in the mail from the local clinic. It was full of forms and information about the doctors, etc. I believe 70% of the paperwork was dedicated to them getting paid for their services. There was a list of questions to ask your insurance company about their benefits. Another form was dedicated to explaining their policy of taking a credit card to secure payment for your appointments. If you cancel within 48 hours you will be charged $150. Additionally, their lab doesn't accept any insurance - you have to pay up front and submit your receipts to be reimbursed. In fact, the same deal applies with several other insurance plans (ours included).

I suppose it's good to know this stuff ahead of time but it really doesn't make for a warm and welcoming feeling.

And on top of that, my H thinks the doctor we'll be seeing looks like a pervert. Nice!

WWYD?

Opinions wanted.

My H & I saw my doctor this morning. We're doing our last IUI this cycle and we wanted to talk to her about what next. She does not do IVF (she's "only" an E, not an RE) but she refers her patients to a clinic in San Antonio (about an hour from here). The nice thing is that I'd continue to see her for all of the monitoring, bloodwork, etc. I'd see Dr. Milton (clinic #1 - www.fertilitysa.com) for an initial consult and for the ER & ET. I really like where I am, I feel comfortable there. I love her staff. I'm just afraid that she's missing something. I've been seeing her since August 2006 and we've struck out everytime.

So I have another appointment with a local clinic. (clinic #2 - www.txfertility.com) Literally around the corner from my office. The doctor I'll be seeing has a rep for being rather arrogant but very successful.

My appointment with #2 is on 5/30. No appointment yet for #1.

Assuming this cycle will be a bust, I should start my period around 5/7. An appointment on 5/30 will be too late to do anything with that cycle, right?

Why can't just one thing be easy? One thing?!?!

Our plan.

I've made an appointment with another RE at another clinic. This clinic does do IVF - my RE does not. My appointment with Dr. S isn't until 5/30 so I have plenty of time to do our 6th (and final) IUI with my current doctor. I asked the woman at the new clinic if it was in my best interest to "save" my last IUI for Dr. S or to use it this cycle and she said that it was up to me but here's Dr. S's philosophy: blah blah blah. Dr. S's IUI philosophy coincided with current doctor's methods as well so I decided (with the help of Husband) to give it one more try while we're waiting for Dr. S.

Hopefully I won't need that appointment but it's nice to know that it's there if I do.

Crossroads

On to a new cycle.

My LP last cycle was 12 days and that's if you include 4 full days of spotting. That's a concern, right?

I see my acupuncturist this afternoon then my RE on Monday. My husband is going to come with me to this appointment so we can have a big talk about what next. I'm 99% sure that we're going to do another IUI cycle but I want to know what our options are if that doesn't work. My RE has never mentioned IVF, I've never seen any IVF information in the office. Is it possible that she doesn't do it?

I feel like I'm at a crossroads right now, like the next decision I make is going to be tremendiously important. It's rather unsettling.

Advice needed, please.

I just left a message for the nurse to get my P4 level from my blood draw last Thursday. I forgot to call on Friday.

The more I think about it the more I think we're going to go directly into another IUI cycle. We're paying $700/month for COBRA to cover all of this IF junk. Taking off a cycle = pissing $700 down the drain. I don't know if I can stomach that, especially since Todd is still job hunting. I don't think I'll be able to "relax" and "take a break" knowing that the $$ we could be putting toward redoing our deck has been flushed down the toilet.

What I do need is some assvice. My first 3 IUIs were a blend of 50mgs clomid, a bunch of estrace, 10000iu of hCG and progesterone 2 times a day until my period started. The last 2 IUIs were done with 150ius of gonal-f, 1mg of estrace, 5000 iu of hCG and 200mgs of progesterone starting 3 days after the IUI.

On clomid my LP was 15 - 16 days. On gonal-f it's only 9 days before I start spotting. Someone in internet land mentioned that her RE gave her 10000 hcg to trigger then 2500 iu hCG as a booster 4dpo and 8 dpo to help her LP. Do you have any other suggestions that I can talk to my RE about?

This is my last IUI before we venture into IVF land :-(

Spotting

Just checked and I'm still spotting. This blows.

I'm debating taking off a cycle but I have to talk to H & RE to make sure my head is in the right place.

Spotting

Started spotting a little while ago. I think it's time to throw in the towel this cycle.

The 9DPO cry-fest

I'm in a miserable mood today. My temperature was a f-ed due to the 30* weather and a stubborn husband who won't turn on the heat. 30 degrees in Austin, TX in april - that's messed up. Had the circumstances of waking up this morning been perfect I still think my temperature would have plummeted. I'm not feeling it at all.

Scrolling back through previous charts and blogs 9DPO seemss to be the day that Hope takes some PTO and leaves me along with Doubt. I really need too keep an eye on how they're scheduling their time next cycle. Hope is a hard worker and all but Doubt really pulls through at the end. Doubt is definitely reigning supreme in our hosehold today, that's for sure.

My breasts stopped hurting, my mood shifted, I'm pretty sure my temperature shifted and I don't feel as bloated as I had previously. Same symptoms for the past 6 cycles and they've all resulted in the same conclusion. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to see where this is headed.

But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe my hopes will rise again for the next few days before Doubt (and my period) come crashing down and thrusting me into even greater disappointment. Just like always.

I really need some cheering up. Thank goodness for silly dogs and chocolate covered pretzels (to be enjoyed separately).

Home. Home again.

I'm back in Texas - yay!

My flight back was the opposite of uneventful. Naturally there were wind delays in Chicago which resulted in me not getting back to Austin until 1:30 AM. Sucks.

In other news, I had an RE appointment this morning that was FANTASTIC! Well, not SUPER fantastic but definitely the next best thing. The u/s revealed that my lining is doing it's thing and actually getting BIGGER rather then thinner. This is the complete opposite of last cycle. My RE said that if I was definitely NOT pregnant she would know for sure. Of course she can't tell (yet) that I am pregnant but that's okay at a whopping 6DPO. She told me to POAS on Weds or Thurs.

So all is well. My boobs are still huge and I'm still grossly bloated and tired. My RE says those are all good things when it comes to getting pregnant.

I just want to go home.

I'm currently in Harrisburg overseeing one of our meetings and all I want to do is go home. I think that might be one of the biggest differences between my 20ish year old self and my 30ish year old self - I don't like to be away from home for long anymore. In my 20's I relished every flight, every road trip, every night in a hotel. These days I just want to get home.

In other news, I'm 4 days into my LP and I'm contemplating having my breasts removed. They're HUGE and uncomfortable and terribly sore. You know those tank tops with the built in bra? I wore one to bed last night. When I got up this morning to brush my teeth, etc. ONE OF THE STRAPS SNAPPED. That's how ginormous they are right now. Ugh.

I get home around midnight tomorrow. Back to the RE Thursday morning for a P4 test and sonogram.