Revised: I'm going to have 5 babies

Went back to the RE's this morning for another sonogram, more bloodwork and my trigger shot - yay! There's a total of 14 follicles now, 5 of which are measuring greater then 15mm. Two more are 14mm. Holy cow! I love gonal-f!

Todd will have his way with the IUI cup tomorrow and Friday and I'll be stopping in for IUI both days. I haven't been this hopeful in a very long time. My heart is full of positivity and love. I hope there's some magic in the air.

On a funny note, I actually had some EWCM yesterday morning! I haven't seen that stuff since June! I emailed my poor husband to see if he could leave work early. He couldn't. But he could go home for lunch... Bow chika bow wow. Good times.

I'm going to have 12 babies

Had an appointment at the RE's today for a sonogram, some bloodwork and the usual office visit.

The gonal-f is doing its job! I have TWELVE follicles - holy cow! I had one last cycle on clomid. My lining is measuring 14 mm and it's only CD9.

So I'm waiting to hear back from the office to see what my dose will be for the next 2 nights. I go back in on Weds. and she thinks we'll trigger then and do the IUI on Thurs & Fri. I'm so, so, so hopeful.

Nausea, Headache, Fatigue - oh my!

Welcome to the world of Gonal-F injections!

It's going well, so far. I've done 3 self-injections, will do another tonight then I go to the RE's tomorrow morning for bloodwork, sonogram and an office visit.

Todd has been WONDERFUL. We had a moment when I got home from Dallas when I was giving myself the injection. He wrapped his arms around me (awwwwwww) and told me how much he appreciates everything I'm doing to have our baby. Naturally, I started to bawl.

I'm eager to hear what the doctor says and to see the sonogram. Fingers crossed, folks!

Some people just suck

Got this email from a friend this morning:


"I had a pretty lazy weekend. Friday I had dinner & went to the mall - we had to go to Babies R Us so she could get a shower gift and I was literally in tears because I wanted a baby so badly... I know you know the feeling... Saturday I went to the gym, same on Sunday, plus the grocery store & library. It was cold & snowy..."

This is from a girl that decided last week that they were going to start TTC in June. And SHE wants a baby so badly? She knows I know the feeling?

I'm not sure how to reply to her email. I really, really want to go off on her. I do. But I'm in a GOOD mood today! I'm going to see my RE at 1 and we're going to try something new! There are good things happening in my life. I haven't been too down and mopey. I'm optimisitic damnit!

All ranting aside, I hate that she's trying to equalize our feelings. I'm not saying I want a baby more then she does, I'm just saying it's fair to compare a walk through Babies R Us to 18 months of doctors appointments and bloodwork and tests and heartbreak.

Onward!

Well, my temperature dropped and I got a BFN this morning. FINALLY started to spot so it looks like my period is on its way.

And for once I'm not devastated. I'm upset, of course but I don't feel like the world is crashing down around me. I KNEW this cycle wasn't it for us so it wasn't a huge surprise. I've been so sure the past few cycles - I was shocked when my period started.

So anyway, I started acupuncture today. It was amazing laying on the table. I could do without the insertion and removal of the needles but overall I give it a thumbs up.

My RE will start me on injectible meds this cycle. Not looking forward to that but I've "known" (on the internet, of course) several women that had great success with the injectibles.

I've also started to pray. Big step for me. Not sure how I feel about this yet but I'll keep you posted.

13 DPO and counting

Here's an overlay of my last three cycles. Looking good, right?

Things are looking up. I'm still second guessing everything and trying not to get too optimisitic. Tomorrow's temperature (assuming I don't start spotting today) will determine whether or not I take a test.

It scares me to be this on edge/hopeful. Yesterday I thought I gave up hope but I seem to have found a bit more today.

Not so bad, right?

It's getting better but I'm still not as optimistic as I should be. Puppy ate my thermometer this morning so I'm going to have to get another one. It's a good thing she's so cute.

News

Todd's new insurance policy doesn't offer any IF coverage at all. As of 3/31 we will be on our own with all associated costs, etc. Just emailed my HR peeps to confirm with them - I'm pretty sure they don't offer anything either.

Thumbs waaaay down to insurance companies. Funny how anything associated with erectile disfunction is covered, isn't it?

11 DPO and (obsessively) counting

This chart sucks. My LP is a monster 15 - 16 days long so there's still time but I'm overwhelming pessimistic. I really need to learn to not put so much pressure on myself. Everything will be okay. Eventually my office mate will HAVE to get up and I will be able to call the new insurance company to get some clarification. Everything WILL be okay.

My heart runs over

I'm sitting here with tears running down my face. Not because I'm grieving but because I'm so touched by the kindness and compassion I witness daily.

I'm fortunate enough to belong to several forums focussing mainly on TTC and the women I interact with are the most amazing, kind, caring, soulful, dependable - insert words that don't exist - people I've encountered. We're not talking big, sweeping gestures - it's the little things. Someone is having a crummy day - poof! There are 30 posts of nothing but hugs. Someone isn't sure if preseed is right for them - poof! There are 5 women offering to share their stash. It's endless and it's amazing.

We all know the world is spirling out of control and people are getting meaner and colder and harder. I'm so blessed to have my rock - even if it is virtual (and dependent on MSN which is scary enough). My friends and family have surrounded me with real life hugs and kisses but they can't reach into their hearts the same way my internet friends can.

This is the most miserable blog on the whole internet

I'm sure of it.

In an effort to make a happy post I'm going to list the things I'm thankful/happy for:

• My puppy
• My new makeup
• The chili I made for dinner last night
• All three pairs of my cute new shoes
• Bargaining with my husband over a stupid Blu-Ray player
• Coming out ahead in the bargaining with a gift cert. to a dayspa AND the cowboy boots I've been coveting
• Diet Coke
• A Personal Shopping Day at Borders
• My nephew's phone call this morning - sweet baby
• My network of friends
• Austin, TX
• The amazing amount of support I've received from so many wonderful internet friends
• Going to California Pizza Kitchen for dinner tonight (this is the only chain of restaurants I enjoy)
• Having a (mostly) clean house and nothing to do over the weekend

That's a ton of happy things, don't you think? So what if I'm not pregnant (not that I know or anything). I have a bunch of really cool stuff going on. Who needs a stinking baby?

I almost forgot...

...We had our 3rd IUI last week. I had (only) one very good sized follicle and my lining was a record breaking 8.5 mm. I'm officially 6DPO and trying not to freak myself out. 10 more days until I should know one way or the other. I'm a big, fat negative nelly today.

Blah 2.0

Today has been a crappy, crappy day. I'm not feeling any love.

Todd left my headlights on all night so consequently the battery was dead in my car when I went to leave for work this morning. When I got to work my computer wasn't working - I feel like the world is against me.

Additionally, I'm becoming more and more convinced that I'm not pregnant. I'm only 6DPO - there's no way I would know but I just don't feel it. I'm not sure if I'm using this as a defense mechanism or not but I hate feeling down like this. The good thing is that our house guests won't be home and I don't think we have anything going on tonight so at least I can just veg. The bad news is that I'm at work without at car so I can't stop at Borders on my way home to get the new Sherrilyn Kenyon book.

I guess I'm just in a funk. I'm tired of being in a funk. What's a girl to do?