25 weeks

15 (ish) weeks until we’re a family of four. Holy hell. That REALLY put things in perspective for me.

I had a midwife appointment this morning and all is well. I got a brief lecture about my food diary, namely the two Diet Cokes I had this week. That was it, really. BP, weight, heartbeat are all terrific. I’ll have the glucose test at my next appointment. Yippee.

Audrey is fantastically hilarious lately. I’m sure I’ve gone on and one about her singing before but you have to understand – it’s amazing to me. I *LOVE* hearing her little voice in the back seat singing her hybrid version of every song she knows plus some made up ones. It warms both my heart and soul and I hope she never, ever stops. She’s still obsessed with coloring (color? Color?) and anything potty related (I pee? I big girl!). She hasn’t DONE anything on the potty but she sure enjoys sitting on it, wiping herself, flushing and waving bye-bye. The whole process culminates in an arms flung in the air “I big girl!” It’s hilarious.

Last night we were getting ready for bed. She poked her daddy in the belly then pointed at my belly. She said her version of brother (brudder) and rested her head on my stomach like she was trying to listen to something. That was followed up with a smooch and lots of happy tears on my face. I occasionally have a hard time remembering that giving her a younger sibling is NOT a bad thing. <3

18 months old!

I wish I could have frozen time yesterday morning. It was one of those perfect moments - the kiddo in my arms, a cool breeze in the air and the sound of her little belly laugh laugh ringing through the air. I love the way her cheeks pop up when she's so tickled about something (in this case me pointing in the direction we were walking and saying "no, THIS way" - I don't know what was so funny about that but apparently in toddlerese it was hilarious) and she throws her head back in laughter, completely trusting that she's safe in my arms. The trust is humbling.

She's 18 months old now. Hard to believe. Her favorites are colors (crayons), mook (yogurt smoothies), stars, Lulu (the dog, Tallulah) and any kind of music. My favorites are the snuggles, the hugs and the kisses. I'm not a big fan of the "mine" stuff she's getting into. She's such a spunky, sassy little thing which I hope continues as she grows.

Speaking of growing, it appears she's finally hit a bit of a growth spurt. She's up to 31 inches and 23lbs. We had her at the ped. 2 weeks ago and she was barely 22 lbs - that explains all of the eating and sleeping lately!

Pregnancy is going well. No real news to report - gotta love the 2nd trimester! I'm feeling very regular movement now which is always reassuring. I don't go back to the midwives until 8/14. The baby boy is breach right now which I know is okay - I'm just 22 weeks. I can't help but be a little tiny bit nervous about him not turning but I won't full on panic for another 10 - 12 weeks :-)

It's the little things

Things have been pretty status quo around here. Since moving up to the big girl room at daycare Audrey has settled into a great routine with naps (finally down to one a day) and bedtime. Miraculously, I'm able to put her in her crib awake in both situations and she puts herself to sleep. I still rock her for a few minutes before dumping her (I can't imagine NOT rocking her) but she usually tells me when she's ready for night night. We sing while we rock. Sometimes it's just me singing our usual songs but last night she kept singing "itsy bitsy" over and over to herself. It was precious and made me cry. I joined her in a few rounds about the spider and got a giant open mouthed kiss in return. More tears on my part.

She's fascinated with my earrings. She calls them bow-bows. Just like her hairbows. She's very gentle (mostly) when she touches them. My glasses...not so much. I stumble around with tiny finger prints on the lenses all the time. For whatever reason, she's fascinated by them.

The new baby is still nameless and will probably stay that way until he's born. I'm 20 weeks today - hard to believe. I feel movement daily now, mostly in the afternoon. I'm a little melancholy off and on about the whole boy vs. girl thing. I was really expecting it to be another girl and was so excited for Audrey to have a little sister. Hopefully I'll get my brain wrapped about this soon!

I head back to the midwife on Friday. I always look forward to those appointments - such a different kind of care than at an OB's. I wish we would have gone this route with Audrey.

I won the jackpot

I must have done something right in one of my past lives. We found out yesterday that we're having a boy!

Of course we would have been delighted with another girl. Heck, my sister and I are BFFs and I would love for Audrey to have someone like that in her life. And reusing her fabulous wardrobe would certainly have saved us a small fortune :-P

But a boy. One of each. Sigh.

*Everything was perfect on the sonogram. He's measuring exactly as he should at this point. Heartbeat was around 135 bpm. Love.

23 weeks

So far, so good! Still not having any major issues with anything. Audrey's heartbeat was betwen 130 - 140 bpm at the OB today and I'm only up 4 lbs from pre-pregnancy weight. Yay!

I'm starting to get a bit uncomfortable, particularly in the evenings. My back gets a little achy and eating dinner is still a chore. I'm definitely more emotional the usual and the smallest thing sets me off. Poor Todd has been pretty good about dealing with my outbursts. Bless his heart.

The nursery is coming along. We've settled on paint colors and fabric, we just need to get our butts in gear and get the room cleared out so we can get started. I'm not exactly sure when that's going to happen but hopefully soon because I'm getting antsy.

We start our Bradley childbirth class this Sunday. It's ridiculous how excited I am. It will be nice to feel like I'm doing something to prepare for our baby.

In other news my poor sweet puppy has had a rough week. She got off of her leash on Sunday and started to chase our neighbor's cat. In the process she ran through some chicken wire and tore up her left "arm" pretty badly. But no, that didn't stop her. She found a small herd of deer and decided they were more interesting then the cat and started to pursue them. Luckily (well, not really) she smashed into a wall or otherwise she'd still probably be running. We took her to the emergency vet who gave her some painkillers but she was in too much pain for them to x-ray her (sob!). We kept an eye on her all week and she was steadily improving except for a lump on her paw. Back to the bet today and poor puppy has a tumor that's giving her some trouble when she steps on it. We have surgery scheduled on Monday but in the meantime she has one of those cones around her neck to keep from biting at her foot, she can't play outside or with other dogs and she's got more meds to take (including a sedative, thank goodness). Strangely, they didn't prescribe anything for her overprotective "parents". I'm sure she'll be fine, but my fingers are crossed that the biopsy of the tumor doesn't reveal anymore problems.

Boring

I'd love to say that there's been so much excitement since my last blog but that would be a big, fat lie.

I have made a trip back home to visit the fam, celebrated my 32 birthday and had my first baby shower so I guess there has been some excitement but I still don't have much to update y'all on.

We are having a girl :-) We're going to name her Audrey :-) I feel her moving around almost everyday now :-) :-) :-)

My extremely talented mother in law is going to make her bedding, curtains, etc. Todd and I are trying to come to an agreement on colors/patterns/fabrics. Slowly but surely we're reaching a compromise.

That's it. I told you it was boring.

Spotting and some randomness

Spotting: I had a spotting episode Thursday night that scared the crap out of me. Luckily I heard the baby's heartbeat that morning and knew deep down everything was okay but it was still a strong reminder not to take anything for granted.

I called my OB's on call line and got the standard rest, drink a lot of water and take it easy line. I've been embracing all of those things since then. Weds. was a pretty intense day at work complete with packing and shipping way more boxes then I should have handled. I will know better next time, that's for sure.

Randomness: As I was driving home from getting my haircut I was confronted with horrible music on each and every station. I popped in the first CD I could get my hands on without wrecking the car and it happened to be a mix cd I made after a negative beta a while back. I'd like to thank the guys in Audioslave for their tune "I Am The Highway". While I'm sure they didn't have IF in mind when they wrote/recorded it, this song really spoke to me during the worst of times:

Pearls and swine bereft of me
Long and weary my road has been
I was lost in the cities
Alone in the hills
No sorrow or pity for leaving I feel

(chorus)
I am not your rolling wheels
I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride
I am the sky

Friends and liars don't wait for me
I'll get on all by myself
I put millions of miles
Under my heels
And still too close to you
I feel

(chorus)
I am not your rolling wheels
I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride
I am the sky
I am not your blowing wind
I am the lightning
I am not your autumn moon
I am the night

18 Weeks

Got to hear the baby's heartbeat this morning at the OBs office - sweet heaven that is the most amazing sound ever. 140 BPM and music to my ears. Naturally the minute or 2 it took to locate the heartbeat almost had me puking on the floor but all is well and the baby is perfect (as far as we can tell, anyway).

I'm doing great too! Normal blood pressure, urine and still holding steady on my weight (1 lb under pre-pregnancy weight). I'm THRILLED.

They took some blood for another screening thing (something neurological, I think)or else they're cloning me. I'm not sure which.

We have a sonogram scheduled for 8/24 at 4 PM. If everything goes as planned we should know what kind of baby we're having :-) I'm extra glad to not have to go back to work afterwards. Todd and I can sit around and be all smooshy.

16 Weeks

For the past 4 months I've had a baby growing inside of me. Incredible.

Still feeling good. The tiredness is slowly wearing off but it's getting weirder to eat. Things that used to go down just fine aren't.

And the dreams! Holy cow. I've never had more sex dreams in my life. I wake up blushing due to the steaminess. Sadly, I have no interest in actually doing the deed in real life much to my husband's dismay.

I don't see my OB again for another 2 weeks. I'm hoping at that appointment we'll schedule my next sonogram. I haven't gone this long without seeing the baby and I miss him!

Tidal wave

Warning: this is long. And I mention vomiting.

Todd and I got into a screaming (well, I was screaming anyway) argument the other day. My sister sent me a GIANT box of baby clothes handed down from her little guy. I tore into this box with unabashed delight and began sorting the different sizes and trying to believe that in around 25 weeks I will have a little person that fits into those tiny little shirts. Once I finished that I put the little ensembles into the drawers of the dresser that we're going to use in the baby's room. Of course I realized that the dresser still had to be moved into the baby's room but I wanted to DO something for my baby. I feel like we're in a holding pattern. Until we know the gender we don't want to start painting, etc. After waiting so long to GET pregnant I want to get a move on with all of the fun things I'd been dreaming about for so long.

So when my husband said "You do realize we're going to have to empty those drawers before the dresser is moved, right?" I came unglued. At first the tears just dripped down my face. Then I worked up some momentum and started to sob. Gut wrenching, soul jerking sobs. Everything I'd been holding in; the poison, the frustration, the sorrow, the joy, the relief - EVERYTHING was coming out. I was expecting this much earlier - right after the first sonogram or first heard the heartbeat maybe? I knew it was coming, it was just a matter of time before the emotions and angst couldn't be contained.

Todd wasn't sure what to do but he did a pretty good job of winging it. He sat there on the bed with me, kept his mouth shut and called the dog into the bed with us. Poor Tallulah was covered in tears and snot. The sobs subsided, I dashed to the bathroom and puked up the rest of the venom while the two of them took a quick walk in the rain (presumably to wash the snot off of the dog).

Talk about cathartic. Sure, I've cried all along during our troubles conceiving. I mourned each and every cycle my womb was empty. I talked about our struggles to anyone who asked (and probably a lot of people that didn't ask). Infertility wasn't ever anything I tried to hide. What was off limits was the stabbing pain in my heart. I never wanted anyone IRL to feel uncomfortable or awkward so I always focused on what was positive: "No, we didn't have any luck this cycle but next cycle we're going to try _____ instead. There are great success rates with _____ drug and ____ procedure." etc. If I had a dollar for everytime I heard "You have such a great attitude"... (which is ironic because my blog is pretty damn morose in my opinion)

But it's over now. It's out. It's gone. For now anyway. I let it go. It will still be a part of me and it has shaped me into the person that I am but it no longer defines my character.

Nothing interesting to report

And that's okay!

I had an OB appointment this morning and heard the heartbeat again. I forgot to ask how fast it was beating but it sounded good and strong.

One more week of prometrium suppliments! Perhaps I'll have a bit more energy once that's over and done with? I asked my doctor about that - she seems to think that is the case. My iron level and everything else is normal, at least it's not anemia related.

I found a childbirth class we want to sign up for. It's a Bradley class instructed by a doula. I'm really, really excited about that. I want to do my best to try for an unmedicated birth. I'm probably crazy but since conception was so orchestrated I want to see if I can deliver my baby without being under the influence. Fingers crossed!

Hope everyone is doing well!