Some people just suck
Got this email from a friend this morning:
"I had a pretty lazy weekend. Friday I had dinner & went to the mall - we had to go to Babies R Us so she could get a shower gift and I was literally in tears because I wanted a baby so badly... I know you know the feeling... Saturday I went to the gym, same on Sunday, plus the grocery store & library. It was cold & snowy..."
This is from a girl that decided last week that they were going to start TTC in June. And SHE wants a baby so badly? She knows I know the feeling?
I'm not sure how to reply to her email. I really, really want to go off on her. I do. But I'm in a GOOD mood today! I'm going to see my RE at 1 and we're going to try something new! There are good things happening in my life. I haven't been too down and mopey. I'm optimisitic damnit!
All ranting aside, I hate that she's trying to equalize our feelings. I'm not saying I want a baby more then she does, I'm just saying it's fair to compare a walk through Babies R Us to 18 months of doctors appointments and bloodwork and tests and heartbreak.
posted by Chris @ 6:45 AM
4 Comments:
I'm holding your hope for your appointment today! Update afterwards--I hope everything goes well.
With the email, I think sometimes people don't know what to say so they try to connect through the idea of shared experience. You don't have a shared experience, and I think it's okay to point that out gently. I just had to do that with a friend of mine who was comparing two situations that were nothing alike. And I think it's healthier for her mentally not to go into a place of despair before she's ever begun trying!
Maybe something like, "I know you're trying to connect and I know it can be hard sometimes for us to have a conversation about trying to conceive on the same ground. You haven't started trying yet, but I will certainly be there for you if you receive an infertility diagnosis after a year of trying."
How is that?
Oooh, new stuff with the RE today! Good luck!
As for your friend, I agree with Mel - she's just trying to connect, albeit very awkwardly and painfully (especially for you). And I would be pissed, too - the two experiences are not the same, not even close. Maybe you can ignore it this time, and if she tries again have a talk with her about it.
Some of the things people say can be SO frustrating. Mel and Adrienne are probably right - she's trying to connect. It's impossible for someone who hasn't been though this to understand. Hang in there!
Y'all are wise. And she rubs me the wrong way sometimes so I have a tendency to twist (in my mind) what she says to make it worse then it is.
It's all good though. I replied back with sympathy and told her that her time will come and be here before she knows it. And in the meantime she'll learn how to cope with the needing/wanting. She replied back and apologized for not thinking before she wrote and all is right with the world.
Thank you so much for reading and writing. It helps so much to know there are other people dealing with this crap too.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home