Anxiety

By nature, I am not an anxiety ridden person. Sure, things occasionally stress me out but I'm generally very calm and rational.

Until now.

Tomorrow is my first day back at work and I am a wreck. Audrey and I have been doing test runs at daycare for the past two days. She was at "school" for about 3 hours on Wednesday - took a nice nap but no bottle. Today she was there for almost 7 hours. She wouldn't nap for more then 10 minutes but she did take about 3 1/2 ounces. I feel good that she did eat (drink?) but I know it wasn't easy for Miss S to get her to eat and I'm sure my little girl was quite upset :-( I didn't get a warm/fuzzy feeling when I picked her up that it was a good day.

Sigh.

I can't stop crying. I know it'll take a while for us both to adjust - I just hope it's easier on her then it is on me because it's ripping me apart. I'm so overwhelmed getting all of our stuff together for the morning and I"m so afraid that I'm going to forget something important. I have post it notes everywhere to remind me to get my lunch, breastpump, bottles, etc. I'm freaking out about pumping tomorrow - where? When? How much? Luckily daycare is just across the street so I can go over at lunch to feed her but I'm not 100% certain of the logistics behind that either. Where will we be able to go? Will I be able to go back to work after that without having another crazy breakdown?

Speaking of work, how on EARTH will I be able to focus on anything? I'm holding off on bringing in pictures of her until I'm able to drop her off without crying. Hopefully before she turns one.

Dear Audrey,

Tomorrow is a big day - you're going to daycare for the first time. Mama doesn't go back to work until Thursday but we're going to do a test run or two hoping that will help prevent a major breakdown at the office.

You're going to have a great time at school! The ladies there are so nice and can't wait to hold you and rock you. There's another little girl starting around the same time - maybe you'll be best friends. I've been worrying about dropping you off and fretting when I think about you crying and me not being there to comfort you. What if you have trouble taking a bottle? Or falling asleep in a pack N play all by yourself? Most of all I worry about you not being held. But then I look at your little face and your open mouthed gummy smile - how on earth could anyone NOT want to pick you up and cuddle you? You are the most precious thing in the world!

So tomorrow, school in the morning while Mama goes to the grocery store. I'll pick you up around 1 PM (if I can last that long) and we'll go to the movies. You can sit on my lap and we'll snuggle, letting the characters on the screen take my mind away from the next time I drop you off.

Audreypalooza

I'm not going to apologize for pimping out my kid.


I swear that's not her margarita.


My younger sister. She's pregnant with her 2nd baby, so exciting!



Amish baby (not really). The gown is an heirloom - I wore it, my mother wore it, etc.



After the ceremony we had a get together at our home. Audrey was blessed with lots of visitors and lots of (unexpected!) presents. Most of the ladies on my husband's side of the family bought her jewelry. I don't know what we're going to do with it but it makes a cute pictures. I swear I just stuck that bow on her head for the picture (it came from one of the packages).


More cuteness, just for fun.

13 weeks

Well, my kid has been christened, showered with gifts, cuddled by relatives she hadn't met yet and emotionally scarred (probably not) by her mother holding her down and squirting grape flavored reflux medication down her little throat. It's been quite a week. And we still have two more vaccinations to squeeze in at some point.

My parents, MIL & FIL and my SIL & BIL arrived in town this past Thursday. More relatives on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. In total, I think we had 15 out of towners (including my newest nephew who is 2 weeks older then Audrey and cuter then a button). The christening was fantastic and special - Audrey wailed through the whole thing :-) It was particularly funny because she's such an even tempered little thing. It was the first time our visitors heard her cry.

She wore the gown I was christened in. I hope that I'm blessed with a granddaughter someday (someday waaaay off in the future) and she'll wear the same gown.

We had a party after the ceremony. Our friends and neighbors joined in the celebration and we all had a great time. Naturally there was too much food and drink but it wouldn't be a party otherwise. Audrey is very blessed to have so many people that love her.

My mother bought her a beautiful jewelry box. My nutty in-laws filled the box with various bracelets and necklaces. My daughter has pearls, diamonds, silver and gold. She's one lucky girl!

I'll post pictures later this week.

12 weeks old

Holy cow! This motherhood stuff just gets sweeter and sweeter. The smiles get bigger, the laughs get jollier - it's amazing.

Audrey is fantastic. She has the craziest facial expressions and a funny little personality. We're still going strong with nursing, despite a clogged duct I dealt with this week. A throbbing boob is no fun, especially because my kid is prone to thrashing around while she nurses and I inevitably get pummeled with her tiny fists. It's all good now though! I feel just about 100% better today.

Which is good because we're having her christened this Sunday and we have a ton of family coming in starting on Thursday. It's going to get crazy 'round here! Many of them will be meeting her for the first time - so exciting. She'll be christened in the same gown I wore. My mother held onto the gown and all of the paraphernalia. Very special.

I'm having a work dilemma. I'm trying very hard to come up with a schedule that will allow me to have one more day at home with the baby. So far there doesn't seem to be much flexibility. Please keep your fingers crossed that my latest proposal works out - it will make it a lot easier for me to be away from her those four days knowing that I have three days of her.

11 Weeks

I am pretty much the worst blogger ever. I've never really been an every day kind of poster but a couple times a week, sure. Looking back, I have an excellent record of my struggle to get where I am today. Sadly, I don't really have a great record of my pregnancy and the first few (eleven) weeks of Audrey's life. I bought a baby book and began to fill in the details and had a hard time remembering the day of her first smile, her first visit to the pediatrician, etc. I checked my blog to see if I had posted about either of those things - I hadn't.

So I'm going to do better! I promise!

And beside, y'all are a whole new group of people to inflict pictures of my child on.

Took this one today. One of the greatest things about living in Texas is that you can pull over on the side of the road, throw your kid in a patch of bluebonnets and take a few (well, 149 to be exact) pictures.


This one was taken post- bluebonnets. She just finished nursing for a bit and seemed so surprised to see me there when she opened her eyes. This picture makes me all swoony.


And this one. If it doesn't make you smile/laugh you are dead inside.