Anxiety

By nature, I am not an anxiety ridden person. Sure, things occasionally stress me out but I'm generally very calm and rational.

Until now.

Tomorrow is my first day back at work and I am a wreck. Audrey and I have been doing test runs at daycare for the past two days. She was at "school" for about 3 hours on Wednesday - took a nice nap but no bottle. Today she was there for almost 7 hours. She wouldn't nap for more then 10 minutes but she did take about 3 1/2 ounces. I feel good that she did eat (drink?) but I know it wasn't easy for Miss S to get her to eat and I'm sure my little girl was quite upset :-( I didn't get a warm/fuzzy feeling when I picked her up that it was a good day.

Sigh.

I can't stop crying. I know it'll take a while for us both to adjust - I just hope it's easier on her then it is on me because it's ripping me apart. I'm so overwhelmed getting all of our stuff together for the morning and I"m so afraid that I'm going to forget something important. I have post it notes everywhere to remind me to get my lunch, breastpump, bottles, etc. I'm freaking out about pumping tomorrow - where? When? How much? Luckily daycare is just across the street so I can go over at lunch to feed her but I'm not 100% certain of the logistics behind that either. Where will we be able to go? Will I be able to go back to work after that without having another crazy breakdown?

Speaking of work, how on EARTH will I be able to focus on anything? I'm holding off on bringing in pictures of her until I'm able to drop her off without crying. Hopefully before she turns one.