Peace of Mind is All I Want...: Another day, another gut punch

Peace of Mind is All I Want...

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Another day, another gut punch

I feel betrayed by my body. Seriously. I have done everything I'm supposed to do. I cut back my caffeine consumption, I drink green tea, water, prenatal vitamins, EVERYTHING. I was so certain, so optimistic that this time was it, especially after all of the signs my body was giving me. A negative test wasn't even in the realm of possibility.

I should be used this. Afterall, my body has been betraying me over and over for the past 16 months. I KNOW better then to take a test before I'm supposed to, especially after getting a low temperature this morning. My heart sank when I saw that and yet I still decided it was a good idea to torture myself anyway. And then as if that wasn't enough I started to spot...

Is it better to live childless then to continue to go through this agony month after month? We have our puppy to love and take care of, can that be enough? Can I continue to socialize with my friends and family with all of their babies if that is the decision we make? I don't know. I can easily see myself morphing into the most bitter creature on the planet. I'd have to find a way to make that decision convincingly and not as a cop out to avoid another procedure.

Signing off again for now.

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