Peace of Mind is All I Want...

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2010-11-16T12:09:00.000-08:00

www.absolutelyadequate.wordpress.com

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Quick documentation

2010-08-27T18:14:00.000-07:00

I don't ever want to forget today.

We all woke in a good mood. Audrey went on the potty and ate her breakfast while I nursed Finn. While he napped Audrey and I played with her babies and colored Eventually we made our way to the park (with a stop at "The Farm" aka McD's for a juicebox and Diet Coke) to enjoy the glorious weather.

We met up with some friends and the kids played sweetly together. There was a small meltdown when it was time to leave but it was easily taken care of with some lunch.

Finn fell asleep in the car and actually transferred into my bed and fell back to sleep with some nursing. Audrey went right down for her nap without protest. Both kids (and Mama) had a decent nap and woke in a great mood.

Audrey and I had a girls only dinner at her favorite restaurant (IHOP). It was fantastic. She was sweet, a great listener and so funny. We had a chance to reconnect which I desperately needed.

Today was her first whole day in underpants. Only one accident - she totally rocked it!

Time Flies

2010-08-17T12:12:00.000-07:00

Time flies when you have kids. I can't believe Finn will be 9 months this month. He's still a chunky monkey but is definitely slimming down now that he's constantly on the move.

We made it to the other side of the distractable while nursing stage. I can (pretty easily) get him to nurse just about anywhere now. It was getting really tough for a while there but I'm so glad we held on. I just went and nursed him at school and he was so sweet in his robot onesie with his crazy chubby leg flailing all around.

Finn has 4 teeth now - two he just got this weekend. His sleep has been a mess lately, now I know why!

Audrey is doing great too. She's such a big girl and is so sweet with her brother. We were at a hotel in Dallas this weekend - watching them chase each other around and wrestle made the drive to/from totally worth it.

My head is about to explode from this headache so this is going to be more brief then I intended. More later!

Flexibility is the key to life

2010-07-23T12:17:00.000-07:00

Today was supposed to be a quiet day at home getting things cleaned, running errands and chilling out. Audrey woke up on the wrong side of bed so that ended that plan quickly!

Instead we decided on an impromptu trip to get donuts, some running around at open gym then lunch. Finn usually naps between 9-9:30, especially if we happen to be in the car at that time. I was able to time things so that we hit the donut store right as he fell asleep. I loaded us up with treats and drinks then parked the car. I got Audrey out of her seat and brought her up front with me for some Audrey/Mama time. I love doing this. We chat, take camera phone pictures and she crawls all over the place and hangs out of the window. It rules. A little before gym time we got back to our proper seats and went to play.

I feel kind of bad. I don't have to pay for Finn until he's 1 but he enjoys the gym more then any of the paying kids there, I bet. He crawls all over the place including the balance beams. he LOOOOVVVES the gym girls. They're tall, blonde and pretty and the love him right back. It's sweet.

We decided to head over to Chik*fil*a after with Brandy and Hemrick (as Audrey says) for some chicken and "froop". Audrey played in the play area for a while and had a blast despite the big kids trampling over the little ones and making huge amounts of noise. She was very brave and only got a little bit freaked out at the end. I was a proud mama.

We came home, changed diapers and it was nap time. Not a word of protest from the girlie which was a nice change of pace. I'm hoping our afternoon isn't quite as busy. This mama is tired!

One month later...

2010-07-05T12:00:00.001-07:00

Big changes folks!

First off Audrey is in a big girl bed. We're on day three and there has definitely been some drama but overall I think it's going to work out nicely. We can do her whole night night routine I. Her room now and get e guest room ready for Finn and me to move into later this month. It will be nice to get my dresser drawers back from Finn's clothes and get our closets and the rest of our lives more organized. I've been on a major organizational streak lately.

In other news Finn has two teeth and has started to eat a few solid foods. We're going the baby led weaning approach again and so far, so good. He had some turkey the other day and did a great Job moving the food around In his mouth and spitting out the piece that was too big. I think I'm in the minority but I hate the solid food stage. I wish I could nurse forever and KNOW that my kids were getting exactly what they need nutritionally.

Finn is pulling himself up on anything that will stand still. He's as fast as a rocket (as Audrey says) when he crawls and anything he finds on the floor is fair game to put in his mouth. I'm working with Audrey to keep her little toys up on the table so Finn doesn't get sick and we're making some progress. It's tough to be a big girl sometimes.

We have a fair bit of traveling coming up. I'm taking both kids to visit my family at the end of this month then we're heading to Irving as a family in August for a baseball game and so I van check out a hotel for work. It should be fun!

2010-06-05T19:09:00.001-07:00

It's been a while since my last post. Since then Finn has mastered the art of sitting, has started to army crawl, can sit up from an army crawling position and is no longer content to just chill on my lap. He is a maniac! We hardly babyproofed our house for Audrey - we didn't need to. This guy is going to be a whole 'nother story!

I took Audrey to her first friend from school birthday party. It was a blast! It was at Gym.boree - she ran around like a nutball. She has been such a sweet pea lately. "I help you, mama" is one of her most frequently used sentences. She helped unload the dishwasher, switch a load of laundry and hang Finn's diapers today. While I was hanging the diapers outside she ran inside and grabbed an armload of clean diapers and brought them out of me to "wash". She cracks me up.

I would never wish away their babyness but HOLY HELL I can't wait to see how their personalities continue to develop and change. Will Audrey do ballet or soccer? Will she continue to enjoy reading and art or will her interests shift to something else entirely? Will she always be so nurturing and motherly?

Will Finn be the linebacker that everyone says he will or will he be more into animals and music? The possibilities are endless right now!

FYSF

2010-05-19T07:40:00.000-07:00

I entered - did you?

Busy.

2010-05-13T11:29:00.000-07:00

I've been working a lot the past three weeks. It hasn't been too bad and the paycheck sure has been nice!

We've started to use cloth diapers on Finnegan on the days that he's at home and for overnight. I used the excuse that he's been having lots of leaks to get Todd on board but really I just wanted something new to play around with and the amount of disposables we've been using has been awful. His fluffy butt is adorable. I got another package in the mail today - can't wait to get them all prepped! So far I really like the rumparoos and organic bg - I think I'm going to like some of the new ones too.

Not much is new with Audrey. She's still chattering away 24/7. She had a rough time on Sunday when Finn swiped her spoon and had his first bite of (her) ice cream. That wasn't really what I imagined for the "Baby's First Food" line in his baby book but at least it'll make a good story down the road.

I'm 90% sure I'd like another baby. I hope it's as easy as it was with Finnegan. Sigh.

I'd like the world to know...

2010-04-28T17:53:00.000-07:00

I really, really appreciate my children.

My daughter is healthy, smart, funny, sassy, adorable, compassionate and loving.

My son is healthy, affectionate, inquisitive, alert, precious, adorable and a ball of love.

And they're mine. I'm so blessed. And focking lucky.

Routine

2010-04-15T12:42:00.001-07:00

I had a routine exam at my OB's today. The same OB that has an office next door to my RE. It was funny how it all came back to me though. The "good" place to park, the floor, the elevator - even the same woman at the receptionist's desk. She recognized me too. But this time there was no directive to head next door to their waiting room, no tedious wait for the ultrasound tech, no biting back tears watching the big pregnant bellies and squeaky newborns wait for their turn. It was just another annual exam like every other woman has. Routine*.

*well, not exactly routine. The abscess I had on my breast 2 years ago is back but not at the painful stage yet. I have a RX to take that will hopefully take care of it before it gets bad.

"Our Family Song"

2010-04-13T13:53:00.000-07:00

Audrey doesn't like to sleep. Never has. We've loaded an i.Pod with some Beatles music and it plays in her room during nap and night time - this has improved things tremendously. She has taken to a couple of Beatles songs.

Maxwell's Silver Hammer - she calls this one "Bang Bang Bang" and it's her favorite song. When they sing "bang bang" she makes a hammer motion. Hilarious

Oh Darling - this is mama's song.

Octopus's Garden - this is daddy's song.

Here Comes the Sun - this is our family song. Melts my heart. I listened to a lot of Beatles while I was pregnant with Audrey. This song made me cry every time. It summarizes the way I felt after finally conceiving a baby, making it to the point of viability and (eventually) giving birth.

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it's all right

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it's all right
It's all right

The sweet spot

2010-04-13T13:48:00.000-07:00

We've hit a very sweet spot lately. 4.5 months and 26.5 months is a great combo for my kiddos. Finn is very alert and is starting to "play" with toys. Audrey is a little mama and loves to take care of him. What does that mean to me? Two little ones that can entertain each other for a few minutes without requiring any intervention on my part! Audrey will go get "hims" toys and hand him rings, balls, burp cloths. He will endlessly take things from her and grip them as if his life depends on it. She'll start squealing then he falls suit. It's amazingly hilarious and hopefully a sign of their future relationship.

I'm so very blessed and I know it. I thank my lucky stars every single night that these children made their way into my life.

Not yet ready

2010-04-08T13:11:00.001-07:00

We went to Miami for Easter and I forgot my Zoloft. I've been feeling really great lately so I didn't call my doc to have a prescription transferred to a local pharmacy - I thought maybe I could quit taking it. The whole weekend was great! The kids had a blast, we had a blast (with the exception of my raging case of pink eye), all was well. Then we got home.

I've been feeling off all week. Tired, in a funk, unproductive. Todd forgot to send Finn's bottle to daycare this morning (I have milk in the freezer there and they have lots of spare bottles) and I cried as I left daycare. I went to see him at lunch to nurse him and found a pacifier in his swing that they had been giving him (I'm still not OK with that, crazy pills or not) and my stomach did a flip. Both things are a little disconcerting but I'm bent way out of shape over it and I shouldn't be.

Then it hit me. Zoloft. I'm not ready to be off of it yet. And that's okay.

2010-03-31T12:33:00.000-07:00

Finn's 4 month appointment was on Monday. He's 19 pounds and 6 ounces, 25 1/2 inches tall and his head is 43 cm. He's in the 75% for height and head size, off the charts for his weight. He's so chill. Dude is almost always a happy guy, so long as someone is in the room with him.

His past couple of nights have kind of rocky (for him). He's congested and has a little cough, much like his mama. Finn has a tendency to hog the whole bed (did you see how big he is??) so my back has been aching like crazy. Not sure what we're going to do about that. He's found his voice is chattering all.of.the.time. It's fantastic.

Speaking of fantastic, Audrey is cracking me up lately. She's so freaking smart! We've been playing I Spy lately and she's gone from saying "I spy with my little eye...a mama!" to "I spy with my little eye someone with a blue shirt". I don't know if that's officially a big deal but it is to me. She sings all the time and has recently decided that she can't go to sleep without the Beatles playing. I'm down with that.

We're heading to Miami for Easter then a long weekend in Galveston. It'll be nice to be somewhere on vacation that isn't Pittsburgh or Florida - I'm really looking forward to that trip. It'll be our first long car ride so I'm a little nervous about that. Luckiliy we're rocking in the new minivan so at least everyone will be comfy.

Here's a few pictures from January:

Alfie Kohn may not approve but my heart sure does!

2010-03-16T12:42:00.000-07:00

Finn was chilling in his bucket seat with a toy attached to the handle. Audrey was watching him play and being her usual silly self. Finn managed to actually grab the toy. Audrey burst into applause and said "Good job! You did it, Finn! I'm proud of you!"

I melted into a puddle.

This is the stuff dreams are made of. I harbor no illusions that it will always be this sweet between the two of them but for now, it's wonderful. And to think I was worried.

No real news

2010-03-02T14:00:00.000-08:00

We're maintaining status quo around these parts. Waiting for the sweet spot where the weather is the perfect balance between a cold, rainy winter and the steamy hot summer.

I've been back to work for about 3 weeks now and it's fine. I like the paycheck but am not a fan of having to concentrate on things other than my family. I do adore visiting with Finn at lunch. He was a little fussy when I got there today but he fell asleep in my arms after nursing. I nuzzled his little head for a while and tried to soak in the moment.

We've been in a good routine with getting together with friends on Mondays and Fridays. Audrey has been keeping me on my toes. She's starting to understand the concept of tomorrow and days of the week (though she keeps telling me that her birthday is "on Saturday" which cracks me up). She knows we go to open gym on Fridays - that is the highlight of her week for sure. She's been telling me that "on Friday" she's going to "run at the gym with bare piggies" and "jump in foam". It's so stinking sweet. She told me that she wanted to go to a restaurant (ressrant) while we were driving to school/work this morning. She's such an opinionated little person these days. It's awe inspiring.

"Mama, do two babies."

2010-02-18T11:33:00.001-08:00

That's what Audrey says when she wants me to pick her up when I'm holding Finn. It all started when we got home from the birth center with the little guy. I was tired (imagine that) and crawled into my bed with Finn. Audrey came in and I was desperate to snuggle with her so I pulled her onto my lap and proclaimed that I had two babies. She repeated "two babies!" and shouts it anytime I have the two of them in my arms or on my lap.

I get a lot of comments about having my hands full when I'm doing "two babies". And frankly, it hurts my back something fierce. 16 lbs of Finn on one side, 27 lbs of Audrey on the other - it is quite a handfull. I wonder how much longer Audrey will want me to pick her up or snuggle her in my lap. I already can't believe that she's two - it won't be much longer before she's in kindergarten then getting her driver's license and then off to college. It's astounding how much faster time passes when you have children. So I'm going to keep on doing "two babies" as long as my back holds up.

Little things

2010-02-14T17:57:00.000-08:00

Finn and I woke up this morning, nursed and snuggled. We had a pretty good night :) Around 7:30 Audrey and Todd came down. Girly was in a great mood. They both slept all the way through the night. It makes such a difference when she wakes up happy - it sets such a good tone for theday.

Everyone piled into the bed. Audrey kept saying "family! Family" and climbed all over me. She hugged and kissed everyone - she's usually stingy with affection like that :) She told me she loved me. I cried.

Best day ever.

Blessings

2010-02-11T12:04:00.000-08:00

I'm so very blessed.

I'm back at work now so I expect I'll have more time for blogging. I love this three day a week schedule. Both kids are at the same daycare - I forgot how enjoyable it is to take a break in the middle of the day to go over there and nurse. The babies in the infant room are adorable and watching them play makes my blood pressure drop.

Finnegan is amazing. Seriously. He's a giant baby - 16lbs at 10 weeks old. He's super mellow, quick to smile and loves to snuggle. I adore him more than I thought I could. It was hard to imagine loving someone else as much as I love Audrey but what they say is true. There's more than enough love to go around.

Audrey is firmly entrenched in being 2. She adores her brother - one of the best moments of my life was before bedtime the other night when she gave Finn a smooch and told him that she loved him. She doesn't even give me an unsolicited "I love you." My heart melted all over the place. She's definitely testing limits and pushing buttons - that's her job as a two year old. She's so smart and sweet and sassy.

Life is indeed very, very good.

Finnegan-Bo-Binnegan

2010-01-09T18:00:00.000-08:00

He's amazing. Seriously.

It's been a tough adjustment in some ways but now that we have six weeks of being a family of four things are getting easier. Some positives:

Nursing! It was as easy as can be this time. No latch issues at all and he's gaining weight like it's his job. At our midwife appt on Friday he weighed 13 lbs 11 oz. Incredible.

Sleeping! So far, so good. We're cosleeping andits going great. He's a snuggler and sleeps better smashed up against me.

Audrey! Loves her brother. She really does. It totally melts my heart and has been SO MUCH better than I was anticipating.

Some not so great things:

I have a touch of PPD. I don't feel like I'm doing a great job at anything right now. Sure, we're getting by but no one is hvjng 100% of their needs met. I have a referral to talk to a therapist and I'm really hoping to fit that into my schedule.

It's been a whirlwind since Finn was born. Michele and Auggie were here then Katy then we went to Pittsburgh for Christmas. We've been back for a little under two weeks now and things are starting to fall into place. Audrey is sleeping a bit better, we're eating healthier - both of those things seem to make a big difference in attitude around here. Hopefully things continue to improve.

Finn's baptism is on Sunday. My family (plus Grandma S and Louie) and Todd's family are going out so we're going to celebrate Audrey's second (sob!) birthday at the same time. We're expecting 25-30 ppl - we're blessed to have so many people that care about us and our children.

More soon!

Birth slideshow

2009-12-05T18:31:00.000-08:00

I don't think there's anything too graphic but it IS a birth so don't click on the link if you're squeamish.

http://bloomaustin.com/finn/

He's here.

2009-12-05T18:19:00.000-08:00

We welcomed Finnegan (Finn) Michael Thomas into the world on Saturday, 11/28. He was born in the water at 10:30 am weighing in at 8 lb 11 oz (an ounce smaller than Audrey) and 20 3/4 inches (2 inches taller than she was). He's perfectly healthy and is a total rock star in the nursing department. I'm in love.

Labor was fast and furious. I had been steadily losing my mucus plug over the past few days and was pretty darn miserable so I suspected the end was approaching. I had a few contractions (and bloody show - gag) Friday night but nothing worth timing or anything. Audrey woke up at 6 am yesterday and we hung out together and had breakfast. I started to notice a regular pattern of contractions lasting about 45 seconds and coming 4-6 minutes apart. They weren't very intense until around 7:30 am - at that point I called the birthing center, woke up my sister and finished packing my bag. Todd and I headed over to the BC at 9. My midwife checked me out and I was completely effaced and dilated around 5-6 cm. I got into the tub right away - Finn was still really high and turned posterior. The water was a huge help to manage the pain. The contactions got even more intense inthe water. I tried a few different positions to get some relief and found a combo of things that worked. I ended up draping myself over the edge of the tub to let gravity help him descend and in the process he turned himself around. Hopefully he'll always be so accommodating :P

Transition sucked, of course. But it was short - maybe 20 minutes. My midwife was amazing and really helped me to get centered and focused in letting my body do what it was supposed to. I had such an awful tear with Audrey because when I felt like pushing I just charged ahead. This time was totally different. It was really, really hard to just let it happen but we did it and Finn was born with just three pushes.

Our photographer made it just in time! I think Finn was crowning as she walked into the room :) She sent me a few photos already but I'm not sure if I can post them from my phone. It was SO nice to sleep in my own bed last night - and tonsee Audrey. So far she's crazy about "her baby" and is loving on him as much as possible. We'll see how long that lasts :)

Finn is super snuggley and wants to sleep with his face smashed against my boob. He squeaks all the time and has the tiniest little feet ever. <3

----------------
It was pretty much perfect with the exception of all the pain :P Everyone there was exactly what I needed them to be. The midwife was just bossy enough, Todd was a rock star and the nurse was terrific. I loved the birth center environment. I was a little regretful of going that route instead of a homebirth but I wouldn't have changed a thing in retrospect.

Gross

2009-11-21T19:50:00.000-08:00

Lost part of my mucus plug today. I forgot how gross the endish of pregnancy is. Between the 'roids, discharge, plug and unkempt hair...gag.

I took a four hour nap today while my husband took my child out of the house. They got haircuts, shiny purple shoes, a "bankie" for the new guy once he gets here and some chicken fingers. I would be jealous but come on. Four hours of sleep!

Count down

2009-11-19T13:37:00.000-08:00

Am I the only one that feels like crawling into a hole toward the end of a pregnancy? I can't help but completely withdraw - from friends, message boards, blogs, etc. I don't get it.

We're down to the final weeks of being a family of three. I'm not going to lie - I'm terrified. I had some rough contractions on Friday that made me dread the thought of going into labor again (but they did get my rear end in gear and I actually got a bag packed to go to the birth center). Obviously nothing came of it or this would be a whole different post but it was definitely a reality check.

As far as pregnancy goes, things are fine. There's a little protein spilling into my urine but my blood pressure is just fine so no one is worried.

Audrey is fantastic, as usual. She's back into the habit of waking up overnight again - usually just once. She says she's hungry - go figure. She's been a crazy girl with food lately. She'll either eat her weight in whatever it is that's being served or there isn't a morsel that crosses her lips. Typical toddler stuff, right?

I think we have just about everything we need for now for the new guy. I'll have to get some bottle and pump parts eventually but we're covered as far as bringing him home goes. My sister flies in on Thanksgiving to spend a few days with us in case we need overnight Audrey care then my MIL comes in after that. We have a couple of back up plans just in case but I'm hoping this kiddo will stay put for another week or so.

Exciting times. Not as exciting as they're going to get, I'm sure.

Getting closer

2009-10-30T13:09:00.000-07:00

It's unfathomable to me how quickly time is passing. We're just about at the end of October which means that we're going to be a family of four within the next 6 weeks. I think I'm officially 36 weeks along give or take a few days but the idea that I could have a new baby NEXT MONTH is crazy.

Still on our to do list:
Attempt to put the infant seat in my car to see if we can hold off a few more months on getting the van

Assemble crib and figure out where in the heck to put it. Buy mattress for crib.

Pack bag for birth center.

Take Bradley refresher class (scheduled for next weekend).

Find breast pump/bag/cords/etc. Order replacement parts.

Wrap up loose ends at work.

Not too much to do, luckily. We have diapers. I have breasts. Everything else is gravy, right?

I had a midwife appointment on Weds. and we discovered that this guy is sunny side up. That certainly explains the back pain I've been having. I have some exercises to help encourage him to flip over - we'll see! I'm just glad he's head down. I'm on the weekly plan as far as appointments go now. There are still 2 midwives I haven't met - I've really liked everyone so far, hopefully these too as well. I got a little mushy at my last appointment talking about labor and nursing a newborn. I'm really looking forward to getting to know this baby.

Best day ever (well, in a while)

2009-10-17T19:37:00.000-07:00

Today was wonderful. And no just because I redeemed my Mother's Day spa gift certificate.

Audrey woke twice last night and was so super snuggley that it was a pleasure to rock her back to sleep. She slept in until after 8 (a very rare occurance) and was still snuggley. We cuddled in bed while she drank her smoothie and watched "a monkey show" until it was time to get dressed. We headed back up to her room and danced to her "nudik" (music) and played silly games. She wanted her pillows out of her crib so we could play night night. I love how she tells me to pit my head down then "wake up more, mama". She started to tell me sweet dreams - I burst into tears, of course. We had a blast playing. I love when Miss A is so chatty and sweet. It was a perfect morning.

I left for my masssage and had a wonderful time being pampered. I stopped for some dinner (alone!) on my way home. Heavenly!

As I pulled into our driveway I was Audrey and Todd playing across the street. Audrey caught sight of me and RAN across the street to see me. My heart melted on the spot. I pushed her in her swing and we played a bit outside. We went back in and shared a banana (I sliced it for her but she wanted to share) and got ready for her bath. She's just so SWEET, I can hardly take it. After our usual pj and night night routine I rocked her for a bit and sang together. Her latest fave is rock a bye baby - we'd get to the end and she'd say "rockababy again!". Sigh. I put her in her crib her and rolled onto her belly and told me sweet dreams again. I could hear her playing on the monitor until she drifted off to sleep.

Perfection.

Status quo

2009-10-15T12:02:00.000-07:00

There isn't really anything new to report. I'm just about 34 weeks. We bought tiny diapers for the new guy. Audrey is fantastic despite reminding us what having a newborn in the house overnight is like. She's been skipping her nap the past 4 days and waking up several times at night. Poor kid is finally getting her canines/insisors, I imagine that has a lot to do with it.

I had a midwife appointment yesterday who assured me that my emotions surrounding baby #2 and the guilt I'm feeling are completely normal. No need for chemical assistance. She suggested that I take better care of myself and do something to recharge. Luckily, I have a gift card to a local dayspa that I received for Mother's Day and I plan to do just that on Saturday :-) Massage, facial, mani/pedi and some waxing. Can't wait!

Head down!

2009-09-30T12:56:00.000-07:00

Woohoo! Little Man is officially head down!

I had a midwife appointment this morning - all is well. My glucose results are perfect, BP is right on and baby's heartbeat is in the 160s. The midwife felt for his position and was almost certain he was heading in the right direction but she confirmed with a quickie sonogram to be on the safe side and he's right where he's supposed to be. What a relief! Even if he flips again there's a greater chance of coaxing a baby back into the right position that has already BTDT.

I'm still coughing a bunch. Yuck. Hopefully by the end of the week I'll be back to normal.

Sick, sick, sick

2009-09-24T12:20:00.000-07:00

There's been a cloud hanging over our household the past weekish. First Audrey caught it - runny nose, low grade fever, coughing, no appetite. Then she felt better but passed it onto me. Same symptoms, minus the fever with a little more coughing. I'm coming out of the clouds now but am still feeling like I've been hit by a bus. Luckily daycare was able to take Audrey Monday and Tuesday (our usual off days) and I was able to get some sleep otherwise I don't know how I'd be feeling right now! I'm still hoping Todd avoids catching this this. He's the biggest sissy ever when he has a cold. The temptation to off him might prove to be too strong :-P

Aside from that, things are....interesting. Audrey has been moodier than usual, most likely due to her cold. She's been all about the drama of everything, especially between 5 - 6 PM and right before bedtime. Her food intake hasn't been great and what we have been feeding her hasn't been as balanced as it could be. I'm looking forward to a trip to the grocery store on Sunday to restock the fridge/pantry and to see how things go after that.

I'm becoming more and more aware of how life is going to change in a few months. My heart hurts when I think about our morning routine changing. I selfishly want to keep everything just the way it is and fit baby boy into an existing situation but I'm pretty sure that's just not realistic.

I'm terrified, I really am. What if Audrey thinks I don't love her as much anymore. Am I cheating the baby out of having my fill attention the way Audrey did? Is this a horrible mistake? I hate to borrow trouble but these are the things that keep me awake at night. I feel him moving and pressing against my stomach and I worry about how this one little baby is going to set into a motion a crazy chain of events.

Third trimester

2009-09-17T14:05:00.000-07:00

Life has been crazy this past month. Our annual convention for work was this week - it was great but I'm glad it's over.

A few updates:

* I survived 3 nights away from Audrey. It wasn't as awful as I feared but I was desperate to get home to her on Tuesday. She had a blast with Grandma and Grandma had a blast with her.

* Had my gestational diabetes test yesterday. Cross your fingers that everything is okay.

* We have a few more things to check off of our to do list for baby boy but all in all things are coming together nicely.

* I think he has a name. Maybe. Probably.

25 weeks

2009-08-14T12:26:00.001-07:00

15 (ish) weeks until we’re a family of four. Holy hell. That REALLY put things in perspective for me.

I had a midwife appointment this morning and all is well. I got a brief lecture about my food diary, namely the two Diet Cokes I had this week. That was it, really. BP, weight, heartbeat are all terrific. I’ll have the glucose test at my next appointment. Yippee.

Audrey is fantastically hilarious lately. I’m sure I’ve gone on and one about her singing before but you have to understand – it’s amazing to me. I *LOVE* hearing her little voice in the back seat singing her hybrid version of every song she knows plus some made up ones. It warms both my heart and soul and I hope she never, ever stops. She’s still obsessed with coloring (color? Color?) and anything potty related (I pee? I big girl!). She hasn’t DONE anything on the potty but she sure enjoys sitting on it, wiping herself, flushing and waving bye-bye. The whole process culminates in an arms flung in the air “I big girl!” It’s hilarious.

Last night we were getting ready for bed. She poked her daddy in the belly then pointed at my belly. She said her version of brother (brudder) and rested her head on my stomach like she was trying to listen to something. That was followed up with a smooch and lots of happy tears on my face. I occasionally have a hard time remembering that giving her a younger sibling is NOT a bad thing. <3

It's been a while

2009-08-05T15:04:00.000-07:00

Since my last post the monkey child and I have been back to Pittsburgh to visit with my parents. The flights there were a dream (being upgraded to first class MAY have had something to do with it) but the way back was pretty much awful. I've flown with Audrey on my own (on my lap) over a dozen times and I'm glad to say that will never, ever happen again.

We had a great visit! She picked up right where we left off with Nana and Bapi. After a few minutes to warm up to being in a strange environment it was like they were old friends. Her cousins came over to play for a while and a good time was had by all.

We went to Idle Wild Park with my sister, her kids and my cousin & her kids. I wish there were words to describe how much fun she had. Seriously, I've never seen this kid so happy! She'd walk along all by herself taking in the sights and sounds. I doubt it made a difference to her whether or not anyone else was there - she was totally happy just cruising along. She surprised the heck out of me and went on a few rides. I figured I'd have to tear her off of me to get her to do anything but as usual, she threw me for a loop and had a blast. I can't believe how big she's getting. She's such an amazing kid.

And she's totally weaned. SO bittersweet. I was hoping she'd hang in through our trip to Pittsburgh and she did. She was so excited to see her daddy when we got home and he missed the heck out of her. Daddy did bedtime so that meant no nursing. She apparently didn't even ask for me :-P I did something crazy to my back the next day which prevented me from going up the stairs. So that was 2 more nights of Daddy bedtime. The 4th night I was back in the game and she just conked out all by herself. If we're out and about and she sees someone nursing she'll turn to me and stare pointedly at my boobs and ask for milk but isn't at all fazed when I hand her a water cup. I really couldn't have asked for an easier transition. I'm so, so proud of her. I wish I could articulate my feelings better.

Today was another one of those perfect days. She slept in until 8:30 this morning (?!?!?!?). Well, there was a brief stint of crying/screaming at 5:00 but she went back down without too much fuss. We met a couple of friends at the Museum but Audrey really wanted to do her own thing. She was glorious and enjoyed every single minute of everything we did. We colored, did the slide, carried around a fake chicken breast, etc. The singing, the stories, etc - she just had so much FUN. We went to W.F. after to get some lunch and I heard her softly singing "eyes, mouth, head" - a slightly out of order version of "Head, Shoulders, Knees & Toes". I love that she sings all the time. It makes my heart burst out of my chest.

We had a nice little lunch then headed home for a 3 hour nap. I'm not ashamed to say that I slept almost as long as she did :-) We both woke feeling great and had a blast singing and dancing. Audrey's latest obsession: the potty. I'm really not pushing the whole "big girl" thing at all but it cracks me up when she asks to sit on the potty, pretends to go then wipes/flushes and flings her arms in the air shouting "Big girl!" I need to get it on video. She would gladly go to the potty 100,000 times a day. Not that she's ever actually USED to the potty but I don't mind encouraging her to test it out.

Pregnancy is going well. I think we may have settled on a name but I'm not fully committed yet. I have a midwife appointment on Friday with my former doula's favorite - I'm looking forward to that.

18 months old!

2009-07-22T10:09:00.000-07:00

I wish I could have frozen time yesterday morning. It was one of those perfect moments - the kiddo in my arms, a cool breeze in the air and the sound of her little belly laugh laugh ringing through the air. I love the way her cheeks pop up when she's so tickled about something (in this case me pointing in the direction we were walking and saying "no, THIS way" - I don't know what was so funny about that but apparently in toddlerese it was hilarious) and she throws her head back in laughter, completely trusting that she's safe in my arms. The trust is humbling.

She's 18 months old now. Hard to believe. Her favorites are colors (crayons), mook (yogurt smoothies), stars, Lulu (the dog, Tallulah) and any kind of music. My favorites are the snuggles, the hugs and the kisses. I'm not a big fan of the "mine" stuff she's getting into. She's such a spunky, sassy little thing which I hope continues as she grows.

Speaking of growing, it appears she's finally hit a bit of a growth spurt. She's up to 31 inches and 23lbs. We had her at the ped. 2 weeks ago and she was barely 22 lbs - that explains all of the eating and sleeping lately!

Pregnancy is going well. No real news to report - gotta love the 2nd trimester! I'm feeling very regular movement now which is always reassuring. I don't go back to the midwives until 8/14. The baby boy is breach right now which I know is okay - I'm just 22 weeks. I can't help but be a little tiny bit nervous about him not turning but I won't full on panic for another 10 - 12 weeks :-)

It's the little things

2009-07-15T11:14:00.000-07:00

Things have been pretty status quo around here. Since moving up to the big girl room at daycare Audrey has settled into a great routine with naps (finally down to one a day) and bedtime. Miraculously, I'm able to put her in her crib awake in both situations and she puts herself to sleep. I still rock her for a few minutes before dumping her (I can't imagine NOT rocking her) but she usually tells me when she's ready for night night. We sing while we rock. Sometimes it's just me singing our usual songs but last night she kept singing "itsy bitsy" over and over to herself. It was precious and made me cry. I joined her in a few rounds about the spider and got a giant open mouthed kiss in return. More tears on my part.

She's fascinated with my earrings. She calls them bow-bows. Just like her hairbows. She's very gentle (mostly) when she touches them. My glasses...not so much. I stumble around with tiny finger prints on the lenses all the time. For whatever reason, she's fascinated by them.

The new baby is still nameless and will probably stay that way until he's born. I'm 20 weeks today - hard to believe. I feel movement daily now, mostly in the afternoon. I'm a little melancholy off and on about the whole boy vs. girl thing. I was really expecting it to be another girl and was so excited for Audrey to have a little sister. Hopefully I'll get my brain wrapped about this soon!

I head back to the midwife on Friday. I always look forward to those appointments - such a different kind of care than at an OB's. I wish we would have gone this route with Audrey.

I won the jackpot

2009-07-09T12:20:00.001-07:00

I must have done something right in one of my past lives. We found out yesterday that we're having a boy!

Of course we would have been delighted with another girl. Heck, my sister and I are BFFs and I would love for Audrey to have someone like that in her life. And reusing her fabulous wardrobe would certainly have saved us a small fortune :-P

But a boy. One of each. Sigh.

*Everything was perfect on the sonogram. He's measuring exactly as he should at this point. Heartbeat was around 135 bpm. Love.

On weaning and tandem nursing. Again.

2009-07-01T13:02:00.000-07:00

So my whole philosophy of not making a decision about weaning my kid is kind of biting me in the arse. The instant I got pregnant the 2nd time my first thought (well, after holy f*&, how can this be right) was of Audrey. How will this affect her? Am I cheating her out of her babyhood? And most importantly (to me): what will I do about nursing?

I've had many a crying jag about this. I decided to not decide and let her find her way. Then I changed my mind after a few painful bites. Then changed my mind back after a few sweet snuggly nights. Then she quit on me. For two nights in a row. No nursing. No asking to nurse. She just layed her fluffy white-blonde head on my shoulder and closed her eyes and fell asleep. And I was okay with it, really! I didn't cry, I didn't feel any sadness other than the usual "my baby is growing up" kind of stuff. My child was charting her own course and this is what she decided.

Then it all changed. We sat down in the glider and I started to sing and rock her and she asked me for milk. Over and over and over again. I tried to nurse her and she fuh-reaked out. So did I. We both sobbed together and I felt like the shittiest parent ever, not being able to provide my baby with what she wanted/needed. (Yes, I realize that a 17 month old that nurses once a day doesn't "need" my milk for nutritional purposes.) It was awful and I handled it poorly. I called Todd to come upstairs to take over because I couldn't help her. So in her time of need what did I do? I left my kid. Genius, right? Ugh. It took her an additional hour to fall back asleep.

Bedtime last night was a bit better. She asked for milk again and I tried. She latched on and did her thing for a few minutes and switched sides. She finished with both sides and asked for more milk. I don't have more. We snuggled a bit more and she was okay. There was crying on both of our parts but we survived. Hopefully tonight will be better.

I have no idea where that leaves us. I really can't imagine tandem nursing (I'm in no way, shape or form against it but I don't think I can handle it along with pumping while at work). I have a conference in September that will have me away from home for 4 nights and I'm sort of hoping that will be it. Weaning by abandonment. Awesome, huh?

I'm trying hard not to think too far into the future. When the baby is born will Audrey remember nursing and want to do it again? Will she be jealous? Angry? Will she pierce her eyebrow and get a tattoo? Who knows. I know there's no sense trying to figure those things out now but in the wee small hours of the morning it's tough to remember that.

16 weeks and lots of lovin'

2009-06-18T12:26:00.000-07:00

I had a terrific midwife appointment yesterday. The baby is measuring right on, I've only gained 2lbs and we heard a steady heartbeat of 150ish bpm. All is right with the world. I have The Sonogram scheduled for July 8th. I can't wait to catch a glimpse of this kid and hopefully learn girl/boy. I've been doing a bit of shopping lately (what can I say? I can't resist a good sale!) and though I've saved all of the receipts I'd like to know if the matching Easter dresses I found will be put to good use :-P

Audrey is as crazy as always. **knock wood** She's been sleeping through the night (finally!) on a fairly consistent basis and is making it past her 5:00 AM wake up time regularly as well. She's a much happier child for getting better sleep - it's nice to have a snuggly ball of kid in the morning than a overtired shrieking mess. I'm proud that she found her way herself and it wasn't something that we forced upon her by letting her cry fruitlessly in her crib by herself. Yes, it's taken some time (and some frustration, for sure!) but she's there. At least for now :-P

She's still nursing before bed at night. She's all about anything that will stall bedtime. We sing songs, kiss her "buh-bites" (bug bites) - both real and imaginary and rock in the glider. For her final act she flings her arms around my neck and lays a big, fat kiss on my mouth. It's delightfully adorable and she knows it. Girlfriend has my number - the way to Mama's patiences is through hugs and kisses.

Not much to report

2009-06-03T12:23:00.000-07:00

14 weeks pregnant today and wearing maternity pants to work. I walked in and my boss said to me "Wow, you look nice!". I'm interpreting that to mean "wow - pants that fit! Great job!". Nice.

It's another 2 weeks until my next mw appointment. I have no reason to think that there's anything wrong but I still eagerly look forward to hearing that heartbeat. I'm strangely obsessed with learning the gender of this baby. 20 weeks can't get here fast enough.

Audrey is a peach. The silliest, craziest peach ever. She's saying a new word every single day and is just so fascinated with everything going on around her. The latest funny is how chatty she is before bedtime every night. She gets all wound up in the tub/playing on the big bed/putting on PJs. I still nurse her before she falls asleep - that's our quiet down and relax time. Our neighbor's dogs have been particularly barky the past few nights as we've been winding down. For whatever reason Audrey feels obligated to bark back at them which in turn cracks me up and frustrates me because she gets herself going again. Crazy girl.

I love how she curls up on my lap and in my arms. I will be so very sad when she doesn't fit anymore.

Last night

2009-05-22T11:34:00.000-07:00

I got my first real armsspontaniouslyflungaroundmyneck hug. She pressed her cheek against my face with her skinny arms flung over my shoulders and my heart melted into a puddle in her hand. Had she asked me for a pony right at that moment I have no doubt that we'd be off pony shopping today.

I've gotten oodles of hugs consisting of her laying her head on me but never with actual arms involved.

There have been many happy tears in my household this week.

The best night of my life.

2009-05-20T10:43:00.000-07:00

At least in recent memory....

Audrey and I met my friend and her 8 week old baby for lunch at Central Market. This friend has a 3 year old as well as the new baby. We had a lovely lunch during which my child was pulling out all of her cuteness. She was quickly fading but I figured we could squeeze a quick trip through the market since we desperately needed grapes and conditioner and my friend had to pick up some things also.

Audrey sat in the cart and was mostly happy. My friend put her things on the belt to check out and handed her little guy to me. Audrey burst into tears and started to call out "mama, mama, mama". I wanted to start crying as well. What am I doing, wrecking her life like this? (nevermind that my rational self knows that this is crazy. I love having a sister and wouldn't be the person I am without her.). Luckily my friend knew exactly what I was thinking. In fact she said "I know exactly what you're thinking right now. It will be fine. You might feel a little 'Sophie's Choice' ish right now but it will be fine." I laughed. It was all good. Audrey passed out in the car about 5 seconds after I got her into her carseat.

Fast foward to our after bath routine. Audrey, Todd and I are sitting on the guest bed getting her into her PJs while she flips around and acts like a maniac. This is one of my favorite parts of the day. She rolls from daddy to me, dispensing raspberries and climbing all over us. It's pure love. I started sobbing. Like, hard core. What does the kid do? She puts her hands on my cheeks (melt) and offers each of her cheeks to me to kiss (not sure when we adopted the European custom of double face kissing) and she lays her head on my chest. It was perfect. I will never forget that.

When you're feeling down about parenting...

2009-05-13T11:34:00.000-07:00

...go some place that has a lot of old ladies.

Monday and Tuesday (my at home days) were rough. I was particularly tired and Audrey was particularly grumpy. Yesterday I took her to Central Market - a local grocery store that has a cafe and an outdoor playground. We walked (well, I walked and she sat in the cart) through the store and made a couple of lunch purchases and then found a seat in the cafe to enjoy our lunch. She was "on fire" as I like to say. Extra cute, chattering away and doing her own particular Audrey thing. I was approached by no less than three grandmotherly types complimenting me on how awesome she is. One woman in particular really touched me. She said "It has been a joy watching your daughter". She went on to say that Audrey reminded her of HER daughter at that age, very interested in everything and alert. She rattled off her daughter's accomplishments - graduated summa cum laude, Mensa, etc. and then mentioned that she was only able to have one child. I told her that Audrey was our blessing as well and we enjoyed every minute with her.

I left there feeling MUCH better.

Home again and 10 weeks pregnant

2009-05-06T10:49:00.001-07:00

What a great visit! This latest trip was hands down my favorite trip to Miami. Audrey and Grandma are adorable together. Even Gramps got in on the action - he held her more than I've ever seen him and even bought her a special gift from the zoo. My heart is all bursty over the love everyone has for my baby.

Sleeping was great - no issues at all over night. Napping was scarce but that wasn't a surprise. We went to the childrens museum, the pool, the zoo, the pool, the park, the pool, etc. She was kept very busy and it showed on the plane on our way home. Poor little bug was so tired and just couldn't get herself settled down. Unfortunately, she had quite a meltdown at 20,000 ft. but we all survived. She ended up conking out in the car on the way home at around 7 PM. I was afraid of how the rest of the night would go but she slept all the way until 11, woke up and had a quick cup of yogurt and some nursing and was back to sleep in no time. Sadly, she woke for the day at 5 AM but that's to be expected after such an early bed time.

I'm 10 weeks pregnant today. I'm pretty sure this will be the last week I'm in regular clothes full time. My shirts are all uncomfortably short and my pants are uncomfortably tight. I'm still fighting some nausea and food aversions but it's manageable. My skin is a mess which is not so fun but there are definitely worse things to be dealing with!

I see the midwives on 5/20. I'm crazy excited for the first appointment there.

On the road again

2009-04-30T13:48:00.000-07:00

We're heading off to Miami again for the next 5 days. We'll stay with the in-laws, as usual which does cause me a certain amount of stress. MIL is a gem. I do sincerely love her. She does a lot for us and absolutely adores Audrey.

It'll be nice to have an extra set of arms on the plane for a change. Audrey isn't a fan of sitting on my lap for hours at a time and I can't count on being able to nurse her down for a nap. Hopefully Todd isn't more trouble than he's worth :-P

Speaking of Audrey, she's amazing. Of course. Chattering up a storm. Night time is going better than ever. I still nurse her before bed (gasp!) - lately she hasn't been falling asleep in my lap but has been sitting up and pointing to her crib. Last night I put her in her crib fully awake and she tucked her blanket around her and I didn't hear from her again until 4 AM! I can get used to that. She even went back to sleep at 4 (with a little nursing/rocking) and she slept until 7:15. I think that's a record for her.

She's a bossy little thing. We were at a playgroup on Tuesday and she quickly gravitated to the play kitchen. One of the younger boys crawled over to get a bowl and she turned to face him and morphed into a harpie, shrieking "no no no no no no!". I confess, I had to fight back some laughter. Naturally, the more she didn't want to play with him the more he wanted to play with her. It's like middle school already. Oy.

Pregnancy is going well. I'm crazy bloated and thiscloseto busting out maternity pants already. At 9 weeks. Having some food issues but no major morning sickness. I'm not as tired as I remember being last time - I guess having the worst sleeper ever is good for something :-P

Good news!

2009-04-22T11:30:00.001-07:00

I saw/heard the heartbeat this morning. The little tiny flicker was going strong, around 162 bpm. I cried, not realizing how worried I was until that moment. Sweet, sweet relief. Everything looks perfect. PERFECT. I am low risk, healthy and my cervix is fabulous.

Which makes me a great candidate to birth this baby at the local birthing center. I toured their facility yesterday and felt very comfortable. I love the midwife model of care and am looking forward to my first "official" appointment there (we met briefly with a midwife yesterday but it doesn't really count). Our insurance will cover part of the expense but we will have to pay part of the fee out of pocket. Totally worth it in my opinion. I'm pumped!

Audrey had her 15 month well check on Monday. My little peanut is tipping the scales at 21lbs and 12 oz. and a whopping 29 1/2 inches tall. That puts her right in the 25th percentile range if you're into that kind of thing. She small but mighty. A little ball of sunshiney dandelion fluff. My little pumpkin baby. She was pronounced "very smart" by the doctor based on her vocabulary :-P She was yelling about bunnies (Annie's graham crackers) and bananas while we waited for him to do the exam. He brought her a little rubber duck and she started quacking at him. Adorable.

It's a miracle, y'all!

2009-04-16T07:56:00.001-07:00

Audrey slept through the night for the first time in her life on Thursday, 4/9. 8:30 PM - 6:30 AM!

I'm sure many of you (all 3 - 4 people that actually read my blog :-P) are appalled. An almost 15 month old that doesn't STTN yet. Well, that's the way we roll at our house. She's never been a terrific sleeper and I've done everything I can to make her feel comfortable and secure. It's finally paid off and night time is improving DRASTICALLY!

In the past week she's slept 9+ hours without waking 3 times. The other four nights she's woken once or twice - all this while she's dealing with some congestion and cutting molars.

Some other things: she's had quite the verbal explosion. At last count about three weeks ago she was regularly saying about 25 words. I can't keep track anymore, there are too many. She stunned me twice yesterday. I was carrying her through the kitchen to the garage to put her in her carseat to go to work/daycare. We walked past the toaster where she caught a glimpse of the waffles that had long since popped up. She points that way and ever so casually says "wau-poo" in a "Geez mom, you almost forgot" tone. I about died. We got home from work/daycare around 4:30 and apparently Miss Thing wanted a snack. She walked into the kitchen and pointed to the cutting board where Todd normally slices fruit/veggies and said "app-pull". Over and over and over again. She's blowing my mind.

We have a big week coming up.

Monday - 15 month well check
Tuesday - tour of local birthing center (so excited!)
Wednesday - sonogram and OB appointment
Thursday - I leave for Dallas for my first overnight trip away from Audrey
Friday - reunited and feels so good

6 weeks

2009-04-07T16:14:00.000-07:00

By my count, I'm 6 weeks along now. Way more IRL people know than I'm necessarily comfortable with - my sister outed me on Facebook in her excitement. Oh well.

I'm relatively symptom free for the most part aside from bone crushing exhaustion and constant hunger. That beats nausea any day so I'll take it.

My P4 level is terrific - 19.9. I see my OB on 4/22 and will have a sonogram. On 4/21 I have a tour of a local birthing center. I'd like to consider a homebirth but Todd's comfort level is quite there yet. We'll see how the birth center looks - that might be a nice happy medium.

I am a fraud.

2009-03-25T11:23:00.000-07:00

This is/was an infertility blog that morphed into a sporadic mama blog then was pseudo-morphing into a secondary infertility blog. Except that I'm pregnant.

Yep. Knocked up. With child. Bun in the oven. Preggers.

We had a plan. We were going to give it a try au natural until June/Julyish. An internet friend sent her leftover OPKs. I was going to start using them next cycle. I've had regular periods since January-ish and almost clockwork cycles. CM a flowing, if you know what I mean. I never, ever thought that it would be this easy. I'm greatful but shocked. Worried but thrilled. Scared shitless but excited.

The timing isn't ideal. One of my best friends just had a failed IVF cycle. I'm not looking forward to telling her. #2 will be due about a month before Christmas and 2 months before my daughter's 2nd birthday. I was looking forward to traveling to see my parents for Christmas this year but I'm not sure that will happen. I've only been at my new job for 2 months and I really, really like it here. I'm part time so there's no FMLA or maternity leave. I have no idea how they'll take the news when I tell them but I would really like to continue to work here and I hope we can work something out.

Todd and I both laughed when I got the results. Not the joyous, tender laughter like the first time but more "what the fuckityfuck?!" laughter of disbelief. Not that we aren't thrilled, of course! It's just so, so unexpected. Unplanned. But definitely not unwanted.

Two under two. Holy hell.

Happy 14 months, little girl!

2009-03-20T09:29:00.000-07:00

What a great week we're having! The weather has been gorgeous! We've been able to break out part of Audrey's summer wardrobe.

My work schedule is working out to be a dream! 4 day weekends every week give us an extra 2 days to play together. This week we went to the eye doctor on Monday where everything was pronounced just fine! What a relief.

(sorry for the crappy picture - she's fast these days!)

We spent Tuesday morning (St. Patrick's Day) enjoying a concert in the lobby at the Four Seasons. South by Southwest is in town this week and there's live music everywhere. Audrey had a blast dancing around everywhere. Her cute little outfit was made just for her by her grandma.

Here she is attempting to sneak out of the house. Tallulah looks on hopefully.

We're heading home to Pittsburgh in a week, just the two of us. I'll apologize to any fellow passengers in advance because I don't think this is going to be an easy trip! Now that Audrey is fully mobile sitting on my lap isn't her favorite thing to do. She's fiesty, spunky and doesn't hold back what she's feeling. While I love all of those qualities in her it does occasionally make for some challenging times.

She's really cutting back on nursing now. She's totally cut out her first think in the morning and right when we get home from daycare sessions. She barely nurses at lunch anymore though I do still continue to go and visit with her. I think I will probably start to eliminate that - she's always having fun with her friends and I think I'm starting to cramp her style. She's taken to soy milk like it's water. I didn't see that coming! It took a while for her to actually attempt to drink it but now that she has, watch out! Next step: eliminate the bottles that we struggled so long to get her to take. She's always through curve balls at us.

As always, I feel very blessed to have this little girl in my life. She makes me laugh every single day. I'm a better person because of her. My love.

More developmental stuff

2009-03-05T12:17:00.000-08:00

On walking: she's totally doing it! Not 100% but more and more every single day. Her first steps were on Feb. 1 and she took about 8 of them. Caught me (and her) totally by surprise. Apparently it was too overwhelming because there were no more steps until 2/16. Crawling is still much faster, especially when chasing the dog but she's walking every single day now, on all kids of surfaces. Nana is going to freak out when she sees this action :-)

Sleeping is getting better too (knock on wood). We're still nursing in the glider before bedtime. She'll finish and actually point to the crib to tell me that she's ready to go to sleep. She did that at bedtime and again after she woke at 12:30 AM. Sweet!

In some not so sweet news, we're heading to the eye doctor in a couple of weeks. I suspect that she has a lazy eye based on some photos I took. We post daily pictures on another blog of sorts for our families to keep up with us. I noticed that her eyes are kind of wonky in several of the pictures I've captioned with comments about how tired she was at that time. I've always had crummy vision/issues with my left eye so it's not a total shock but I was hoping she got her daddy's 20/20. I'm optimistic because we caught this SO early. I'm pretty proud of myself for knowing my girlie so well that I spotted it so soon. Please keep your fingers crossed that we get good news from the doctor.

In TTC news, I'm going to give the old OPKs a shot this cycle. If I can remember how the timing works with those suckers. I'm not ready for RE appointments/meds yet so I'm trying to keep this low key for a few cycles.

2009-02-27T13:43:00.001-08:00

I've been having trouble writing lately. Time has been short and my words seem so inadaquate when it comes to describe how rich my life is with my daughter.

Today was an office day so that means Audrey went to daycare. As usual, I went to visit/nurse her at lunch. When she was finished I got down on the floor to play with her. She was frantically pointing and asking for 'mo (Elmo - I'm not a fan but they have one at DC and she freaking loves the furry red guy). I gave her 'mo and the smile on her face could have lit the world. Her and C. (another little girl in her room) took turns shouting with join and bouncing up and down. It was pretty much the cutest thing ever. C. moved onto something else so Audrey decided to commandeer the rocking chair and she pushed/rocked it, squealing with delight. My words make the occasion seem so commonplace and normal which I suppose it is/was but that's part of the magic of this little girl. Little things like watching her rock that chair like a madwoman are what make my day.

Yesterday we had a sort of conversation as I picked her up. She was in one of the highchairs snacking on some O's. I got her out of the chair when she was finished and gave her a few squeezes. She pointed to the chair we sit in to nurse and shouted "na na! Mama! na na!" which is code for "please nurse me". My heart was in a puddle at her feet.

I'm not a great writer but I need to forget about that and record these memories despite that. My lack of eloquence and choppy sentence strucuret won't be important 20 years from now but having these memories will.

Stats - one year and ten days old

2009-01-30T17:35:00.001-08:00

Audrey (finally) had her one year well baby visit. The new pediatrician is growing on me - I really like his manner with Audrey! And he has family in my hometown :-P

Girlfriend is 2ft 5 1/2 inches and weighs 20lbs and 8 oz. I believe he said she's in the 65th percentile for height and 50th for weight? SHOCKING to me since at 6 months she was in the 90th percentile for height. Crazy.

Everything is going well aside from some awful teething and some adjustments to her reflux medication. She got two shots today (see, I'm not totally anti-vaccinations!!) - I very much appreciated how he talked with me about my concerns and the schedule we've been following.

I think we're going to start ferberizing tomorrow. I'm dreading it. There's nothing I love more than holding my sleeping girl in my arms. She does need more sleep though and God knows we do too. I'm dreading it though. Have I mentioned that I'm dreading it? I am. A lot. :-(

Maybe she'll sleep through the night tonight and everything will have changed? Cross your fingers for me.

My one and only...

2009-01-27T13:16:00.001-08:00

She's one!

Audrey turned one a week ago from today. I don't have to tell any of you that have made it over to this side of parenthood what an emotional day the first birthday is.

Both set of parents and my sister's family came in for an extended visit. Being with my little girl, surrounded by our family was blissful! She is so very loved by so many people - it's humbling.

2008

2008-12-31T17:21:00.000-08:00

Dear Audrey,

2008 was quite a year for you.

January - you came into my life on Sunday, January 20 and life hasn't been the same since. (duh) Some of my fondest memories are of you, so teeny tiny, snuggled up against my chest. The first couple of weeks of your life FLEW by. We had a constant stream of visitors all wanting to see you.

February - was much calmer. Your daddy's birthday is on 2/6. It wasn't a big year for him from a birthday standpoint but really, what better gift could he ask for? About halfway through February we were on our own (finally!) and settled into a nice groove with one another. Luckily, Sonic instituted a "Happy Hour" special from 2 - 4 PM each day. Half priced sodas!! That insured that we got out of the house at least once a day :-) I got my first real smile from you in February.

March - you took your first plane ride in March! We went to Pittsburgh to visit everyone over St. Patrick's day weekend. You attended your first wedding and everyone was smitten with you. Naturally. You started giggling in March. It's still my favorite sound. Your daddy gave you your first ever bottle. I cried.

April - was another big month. I took you to the movies for the first time. I saw "21" and had chicken fingers. You slept. We had your baptized toward the end of the month and you met even more family. It was a wonderful weekend!

May - you started daycare and I started back to work on May 1st. This was very difficult for me even with the 2 extra weeks of maternity leave my boss gave me. Luckily, we found a wonderful, small daycare center that is right across the street from my office. I'm able to visit you at lunch which I look forward to all day. We play for a little bit and I nurse you. I'm so glad my schedule permits this because even today you're not a fan of taking a bottle. It took until July before you'd even give it a try at school.

June - we went to Pittsburgh again. This time to visit Nana before she had her hip replaced. You sat up all by yourself for the first time while we were there. We took another vacation at the end of the month, this time to Rhode Island to meet even MORE family. These plane rides were definitely not as easy as the previous flights. Sitting still on my lap is a thing of the past.

July - we were still in RI for the first few days. It was a nice, relaxing visit. We went to a polo match and walked along some beautiful cliffs. I even left you (sleeping) for a half hour with Grandma Katy for the first time :-) From Rhode Island we went to Pittsburgh (again) for Kelly Rose's wedding. You wore the pinkest, fluffiest dress ever. Your daddy bought it for you before you were even born :-) At the end of the month you got your first 2 teeth!

August - your daddy had to go to California for work for a week! He missed you a ton so we made sure we took lots of pictures. He bought back so many presents for you. Mostly dresses. You had your first ever bite of real food - bananas. You were very unimpressed. After that we tried broccoli and sweet potatoes. Those seemed more pleasing to your taste buds. We went to the pool a couple of times in August and you had a blast!

September - we went to Miami in September over Labor Day weekend. Grandma Katy had such a fun time playing with you. We went for a swim at the country club and you were charming to everyone. Of course. You also watched your first football game at a local restaurant/bar and we met daddy's friends. You got 2 more teeth in September and started crawling all over the place.

October - we went to Pittsburgh (again) for your new cousin Auggie's christening. I'm pretty sure that will be the last time I fly with you by myself - you're a handful in all the best ways! You said "mama" for the first time while we were there. Love!! You're a speed crawler now and will pull up to standing and shout out with excitement. I didn't think you could get any cuter but you went and surprised me. We took you to the pumpkin patch and dressed you up like a bunny for Halloween. Grandma Katy came out to visit and is still crazy about you!

November - you added "ball" and "dada" to your vocabulary. Grandma took you to the park and you rode in a swing and loved it! Your crazy mom and dad took you to New York City. Lots of firsts there: taxi ride, subway ride, 4 star dining. It was lots of fun. You're pulling up everywhere and creeping all around holding onto the furniture. You "sing" and laugh all the time.

December - you had your first fever and ear infection this month. Boo! You're chattering up a storm and have added "night night", "Elmo" (daycare) and "oh no" to your vocabulary. You have 7 teeth now. You can stand for half a minute or so all by yourself - it's hard to believe that only 11 months ago you were so small. We flew to Miami for Christmas this year and spent a week in the sun! Grandma Katy really enjoyed having you there and had a wonderful time playing with you.

Today is the last day of the most wonderful year of my life. My sweet girl is upstairs sleeping and I can't wait to hold her tight and tell her how much I love her.

Happy New Year, everyone. This one is going to be hard to top.

Very frustrated with a friend

2008-12-19T09:05:00.000-08:00

I have a friend, we'll call her Amy. She has a husband, we'll call him Paul.

Amy and Paul got married a year before Todd and I. They planned on being married for 4 - 5 years before having children. Amy's father ended up getting very sick so they moved from Chicago to Pittsburgh so Amy could help her mom take care of her father.

Paul's had a tough go of things. He had a great career in Chicago that he obviously left behind. After studying for the bar exam in Pittsburgh he eventually found a job with a small firm that quickly blew up in his face after one of the partners ran off with a ton of $$. The other partners and Paul joined together to create a new firm that is slowly growing.

Well, Amy got pregnant - she's 36 weeks now. They weren't going to start trying until the beginning of '09 but as it turns out her father passed away in July. Although he didn't make it long enough to meet his first grandchild she was able to tell him about her pregnancy - he was thrilled and made sure every person in the hospital knew how proud he was.

Well, fast forward to now. Throughout her pregnancy Amy as been asking for advice and telling me all of her plans. Her priorities are totally effed up. She's seeing a midwife and wants a med-free birth (woohoo!). But she hasn't taken any childbirth classes or done any research. FINALLY, she has a 4 hour class scheduled for January 12. Her breastfeeding class is on Jan. 18th. She's due on Feb. 3.

But that's cool. Everyone handles things differently. I have a hard time grasping that sometimes but she has every right in the world to education herself however she'd like. I am not the Official Monitor of Prenatal Education.

She says that she wants to exclusively breastfeed her baby. She has to go back to work after 8 weeks so I've been talking to her about pumping. Her plan is to borrow a pump from a friend who used it through FIVE children. Five. After directing her to the Medela website and explaining that it's likely that pump will not be able to keep up with her, I think I may have gotten through there. I still don't think she grasps the logistics. She has to pump in the bathroom too - I've shared all of my tips but I don't think she believes me. I recommended a pump with a hands free option, especially if there isn't much counter space and she says "I don't think I'd use that." She just doesn't get it.

But the kicker is this email exchange we shared today.

Her:

I am a little sour on my loving husband at the moment. I understand he works really hard and for 80 hours every week, but I’m starting to get a little annoyed with his attitude. It’s my job to do everything else. Everything. I work, too! Granted, my job is way cushier but still. AND he’s running for Dormont Council in March. My bosses and the guys they work with are all the exact same way, but their wives don’t work. I reminded him about the midwife appointment this afternoon and he didn’t get pissy per se, but I was not pleased with his response. I told him he doesn’t need to go, this is not an important appointment but he gave me some “no time is good, so it doesn’t matter” crap.

Me:

Oh man…I feel for you. Of course his work life is crazy right now but the two of you are a partnership too! It’s hard to have a serious, matter of fact conversation when you’re hormonal but I’d ask how he’s planning to manage an 80 hour work week, running for office plus a newborn/working wife/household? Have you given any thought to your expectations of him once the baby arrives? Have you communicated those to him? I know you always planned to stay home with the kids – is it possibly that the change of plans hasn’t really sunk in for him yet? How did his parents manage their household?

Her:

Honestly – I think I can do this on my own. It worked out well when he was working full time & studying for the bar. Of course, there was no newborn at that point! But, he will essentially have to relinquish everything to my “power” - we already had to have a talk about me taking care of the bills from now on because he’s bee late a few times recently (flashbacks to living with Mary...) I think I am more worried about him becoming a random figure around the fringes instead of a really involved dad/husband. Again, I am surrounded by guys like this and their families are all fine but I know their wives do get frustrated with the constant rescheduling, etc. Eventually, I probably will be able to/”have to” stay home but right now it’s a struggle.

WTF?? AND she bought concert tickets for a show on March 1st. I asked her to remind me what the baby's due date is and her response "Feb 3 so no worries there". Like I was worried about the baby being born to the dulcet tones of Stevie Nicks.

She just has no clue and it's beyond frustrating to me. Why are there so many women that are PREPARED and WELCOMING of all the havoc and changes a baby would bring to their lives and they can't get pregnant or carry a baby. Then there are people like my friend who are essentially clueless but can get pregnant without even thinking about it. It's just not fair. At all.

Vote for my kiddo!

2008-12-15T08:18:00.001-08:00

Once again, the fantastic Mollie is hosting a contest on her blog.

So if you're able to stand looking at a bunch of adorable babies click here and vote for #9.

And if you live in Austin, email mollie and book a session for yourself!! I promise you'll love her!

Baby's first fever

2008-12-12T12:52:00.000-08:00

I don't think there's a spot in the baby book for "First Fever" but if there was, I would record 12/12/08 as that date. Boo!

Poor kid has been all kinds of snotty for the past weekish. December, lots of crazy weather changes, daycare - it's kind of par for the course. For the past 2 nights she's been waking up as often as usual (way too often) and screaming. Screaming! She has fallen right back to sleep after some nursing/rocking/back patting but seems totally out of it.

I dropped her off at daycare this morning and on my way over to the office made an appointment with her pediatrician. I went over at lunch to nurse her and she fell asleep in my arms and actually slept through the transition from my breast to the pack N play whcih she usually does not do. I knew something was up.

Sure enough, about an hour ago I got the call. She has a 100 degree fever and needs to be picked up. I called Todd and he was able to get her without any trouble so they're at the pediatrician's now. I wish I was there to hold her but mama is taking 2 vacation days the week after next and has very limited sick time. We accrue paid time off as we work and since I'm giving my notice in seven days (!!!!!) I have to keep an eye on that.

Ugh. I hope she's okay. We've been lucky to make it this far without any illness, especially factoring daycare. Fingers crossed that it's merely a cold.

Changes

2008-12-10T13:43:00.000-08:00

Some big ones 'round here lately!

I just accepted a job offer for what appears to be my dream job; similar to what I do now but more interesting, a more relax/less micromanaged environment, and most importantly - part time! My position in its part-time conception is new so we'll see how things go but for now (well, in January) I'll be working 3 days a week, between 15 - 20 hours. I'm so focking happy, I can't even put it into words. Audrey's daycare is able to accommodate a part time schedule for her so she doesn't have to move. It's a beautiful thing.

That means TWO EXTRA DAYS a week with my girlie. And three extra mornings (or afternoons, depending on the hours I work). This opens up a world of opportunities for us. I've wanted to be more involved in the local mom/baby organizations but most of their meetings are during the week and during the day. I'd LOVE to be able to hang out with more families that have similar parenting philosophies. Since Audrey has been born my friends without kids have drifted a bit and I'm really missing girl time. I'm hoping this will help.

(should have been posted on 11/22 but ended up in my draft folder)

2008-11-22T23:55:00.000-08:00

A few minutes ago I just had the pleasure of rocking my sweet girl back to sleep. No meltdown, no drama. She was content to settle into my arms. As I sang a few of our favorite songs she played with her toes and sung back to me, drifting off to sleep.

I wish I could capture these moments forever and never forget the weight/length of her body, the way her hair smells, the softness and size of her hands at this precise moment. Because next week/month/year she's going to be bigger, taller, heavier (and quite frankly louder :-) but right now she's just a little girl who needs her mama and I'm so, so lucky.

Happy 10 months!

2008-11-20T12:45:00.001-08:00

Audrey - today you are 10 months old. It's a little overwhelming for me to think about how far we've both come.

You:
Are a ball of energy. I don't know how you do it on such little sleep but man, if you could run you'd be running circles around me.

Are a crummy sleeper.

Are a chatter box :-) You've been saying "mama" for quite some time now. You have "yay!" (with an accompanying clap, of course) down pat and refer to your daddy as "ba" more often then not. When you're not using your words you still manage to tell us all what you're thinking. There's a constant narration to everything you do ranging from sweet whispers to top of your lungs shouting. It's positively charming and one of my favorite things about you.

Are a little OCD. I can't think of where you might have gotten that. Food is always separated. Toys are always played with the same way. I love to watch you play with the letters on your bench and your doll stroller. It's hilarious to see you toss them in the back of the stroller just so. And then start all over.

Are musical. You find your own rhythm and sing your own songs. I like to think I've played a big part of that.

I:

Love you more then ANYTHING.

Have finally gone out to dinner with you dad without you. One time. I didn't cry at all - that's a big step for me.

Feel very confident in each decision I've made with regards to you. I don't always go along with the mainstream choices but I know I'm doing what's best for you because I know you better then anyone.

Treasure the time we spend together, especially early early in the morning when you're just waking up. I love the snuggles and the sweet noises you make. You're the best bed sharer and as much as I'd love a good night's sleep I would miss you dreadfully.

Am still nursing you! I'm so proud of myself for keeping up with your growing appetite. Pumping at work still sucks but it's 100% worth it.

Love to watch you feed yourself and drink out of a cup like a big girl. You're more and more like a miniature person and less and less like a baby every day.

Am so proud of you. Always.

A picture or 2 from Mollie at Photography in Bloom:

Not much to report

2008-11-13T13:08:00.000-08:00

So I'll just post some pictures :-)

The first house Audrey Tirck or Treated.

Family portrait (no, I'm not in the medical field, we had to dress up for work)

My angry bunny

Getting sleepy. No M&Ms were harmed in the taking of this picture.

9 months (and some change)

2008-10-31T12:40:00.000-07:00

Audrey turned 9 months 2 weeks ago. She just had her official appointment yesterday. Stats:

20lbs, 10 oz
27 1/2 inches
Cuter then a button

We're still at the same practice but we've switched to another doctor. He's very grandfatherly but not in a stick in the mud kind of way. No pressure about the vaccines we've skipped/delayed. He's totally encouraging about extended nursing. He's thoughtful about medication he prescribes (different topical gel for the bad eczema patches - one that's actually approved for pediatric usage!). And he talks to my kid! Audrey's favorite thing is paper. When he was writing down her stats, etc. for us she was grabbing at his notepad. He ripped off an extra piece of paper, wrote a smiley face on it and gave it too her. I think she might have fallen a little bit in love with him. I know I did. (it really is the little things, isn't it?)

Audrey now has 6 teeth. She can stand and walk around holding onto furniture/the dog/anything in her path. She says "mama" and means it (picture my heart melting into a puddle). She's still super cuddley. I miss her like crazy every minute I'm not with her.

Which brings me to my next point: I'm really struggling with work. I hate it. I have no interest in my job anymore at all. I took this position almost 3 years ago because it would be the perfect, low stress job for a mom. I was right about that but what I didn't consider is that it would take so long to BE a mom and that I would practically expire from boredom in the meantime. I used to work at a fancy hotel downtown as an event planner for super large/fancy conventions - now I plan crummy old educational seminars with nary a bottle of wine to be found. I don't miss the crazy hours and the panicked phone calls in the middle of the night from my clients but I do miss being interested in my work. In a perfect universe there is a part time or even seasonal job out there where I could dabble a bit in something more creative but still have a few days a week free to hang out with my kid. I need to get cracking on that sooner rather then later.

Happy Halloween, everyone!

Blogging from the bathroom

2008-10-16T08:22:00.000-07:00

It's not what you think! I'm pumping!

Life has been kind of wacky the past couple of weeks. Audrey is in the midst of a nap strike, teething and a major eczema flair. All of which I'm sure is related.

I took Audrey (via airplane) to visit with my family. Little Sis had her 2nd baby and I wanted to meet him so away we went.

Flying solo with an almost 9 month old is not nearly as easy as a 6 week old or even a 6 month old (both of which I've done. I foolishly thought I was an expert at flying with a baby single handedly - ha!). We got back on Sunday and I am still EXHAUSTED. It was a lovely trip and I got to meet one of my internet friends which was a blast! And baby Auggie is a dream. So sweet! And so big! He was 10 lbs at birth and is tipping the scales at 14 lbs 11 oz at almost 8 weeks.

Well, we made it back unscathed but my poor girl is an itchy mess. After another visit with the pediatrician, she's been officially diagnosed with eczema. It seems to really show itself when she's teething (and drooling like crazy). That's extra unfair in my opinion - like the poor thing doesn't have enough going on with the teething pain.

The DR. prescribed a topical steriod and Benedryl - I'm not really on board with either of those options. I have started her on both courses of treatment but am hoping to get her into a pediatric dermatologist ASAP to see what other options exist. If anyone has any advice/assvice feel free to weigh in!

dangerous

2008-09-28T19:39:00.000-07:00

So I got an iPhone. Thus far, it's the best thing ever. Except I can't put it down.

Which is both good and bad. Bad: hard to eat tacos made by my husband while texting my sister. Good: it's easy to write a few words before heading off to bed.

My bedtime routine with audrey consists of a bath, lotion, pjs, nursing then my favorite - rocking in the glinder. The weight of her in my arms as she drifts of to sleep is heavenly. She lays her head just so on my shoulder and curls her tiny body against mine and muzzles her face against my skin and floats away to dream land. This, my friends, is what it's all about. It's the cherry on top, the icing on the cake. I wish I could think if another dessert cliché. Regardless, the rocking chair is something I look forward to every day. Which is handy because I've been clocking quite a few miles in that thing lately.

I'm sure rocking her to sleep is causing irreparable damage to her sleep habits and I'll be fishing for suggestions on how to get her to sleep through the night before too long. I never forget, even at 4 am, that this time is fleeting. I remember when her little self could stretch full out on my lap - now her legs drape over the arm. In a few months I imagine she won't be able to curl up on me the way she does now. And a few months after that she probably won't want to anyway.

So I'm happy to rock her to sleep whether it's 8 pm or 3:30 am. During those stolen moments in the middle of the night I can smell her sweet baby smell and rub her soft baby skin and hold her so close to me and thank my lucky stars.

Little Things

2008-09-27T20:32:00.000-07:00

Before getting ready for bed I put my phone on the charger and started to turn off the lights. Audrey's toys are scattered all around the living room - we had a great time playing today. And it hit me: this is a home with a baby in it. There are signs everywhere - baby laundry I've been folding, baby toys, nursing bras hanging all over the place, bottles in the sink. My house has turned into a sea of tiny pink things.

It's wonderful.

Doggie Woes

2008-09-25T10:08:00.001-07:00

I don’t know what to do with Tallulah (2 year old, German Shorthaired Pointer). We had some problems with her digging when we first got her. It took about 6 months to get that under control – she pretty much digs when she’s bored so we just increased the number of walks and started to send her to daycamp a couple of times a month and all was well.

She’s been back to digging lately. It’s no mystery why. Audrey is more active now and is crawling all over the place which means there’s more attention on her and less on the dog. There’s no getting around that. Todd takes her on a good walk when I nurse Audrey and put her to bed but she probably needs more then that.

Todd ran to Home Depot last night to get some stuff to patch the fence where Tallulah has been digging (the hole is on the side of the fence facing our favorite neighbors. They have 2 dogs and a cat that hang out in the back yard). I was getting Audrey to sleep and making her bottles for today when I heard Tallulah bark like crazy. I went outside (in my nursing bra and PJ pants) but couldn’t see her anywhere but it was dark and her coat is spotted which makes her very hard to see. I could hear her tags banging around so I assumed she was running around. I went back inside after shouting at her to shut up (ironic, no?), checked on the baby monitor and found shirt/shoes to throw on.

She was still making a ton of noise a few minutes later so I went back outside and found her SITTING ON OUR NEIGHBORS DECK SCRATCHING AT THEIR DOOR. Luckily they weren’t home and Todd pulled into the driveway – he opened the gate to their yard and she came trotting out like everything was perfectly normal. She was an absolute beast again this morning which resulted in Todd going into work almost an hour late because she wouldn’t come in. She was tearing around the yard and barking her crazy head off. Most everyone in our ‘hood has at least one dog except for the neighbors on the side that Tallulah doesn’t dig. She must sense that they’re no fun and she doesn’t want to hang out with them :-P It’s a matter of time before they call the cops on her. After last night I’m tempted to call them myself :-)

We've taken her to school THREE times. She's a champion when it comes to sitting and staying but completely ignores the "come here" command when she's distracted by anything. Sadly, shouting "sit!" and "stay" when she's in hunting dog mode are useless.

I know she just needs some extra love and attention, poor thing. In a year her and Audrey will tire each other out and all will be well. I don’t know if I can make it until then!!!!!

8 months old

2008-09-22T13:44:00.000-07:00

Audrey turned 8 months on Saturday! Dad went to a football game so Audrey and I were on our own, just like old times. We went to Gymboree for her 2nd Level 2 class and played around for a while then it was off to return/exchange some clothes from Grandma Katy and to babyGap (my guilty pleasure). Poor Audrey has been having a tough couple of weeks. Between teething (we're up to 4 teeth now!), a nasty diaper rash and a recent excema diagnosis she hasn't been herself. She's still pretty kick ass but I'm sad to see her suffering. She's having such a hard time sleeping, both at night and for naps. It's like she can't get comfortable unless she's being held. Which I don't mind doing at all :-) I know in the not so distant future she's not going to want to snuggle on my lap anymore so I'm stealing those moments whenever I can. Even if it is at 4 AM (although I admit I'd prefer 4 PM).

Nursing is still going well. Pumping still sucks (pun intended) but I'm keeping at it for now. Most people I know wean at one year and stop pumping around 10 months but I'm not sure what my plans are. Ideally, I'd like her to wean herself but I'd like to get back on the trying to get pregnant again wagon within the next 6 months. I'm riddle with guilt thinking about that though. How crappy of a mother am I to force my child to wean to increase my chanced at conceiving? What if it takes another 2 years to get pregnant? I almost feel like throwing myself off of a bridge just thinking about it.

So until I get to that bridge I'm just maintaining status quo. And enjoying the hell out of my daughter!

Insanely gorgeous pictures of my daughter

2008-09-18T14:03:00.000-07:00

Fellow Austinites - RUSH over to Photography in Bloom and book a session with Mollie. It doesn't matter if you have a baby or not, do yourself a favor and hire her to photograph you, your dog/cat/rabbit/etc.

If you want to check out pictures of m y kid click here, go to "Clients" and enter "Audrey" as the password. Be prepared to pass out from the cuteness.

And then email Mollie to book yourself a session. Tell her I sent you.

An update of sorts

2008-09-09T14:14:00.000-07:00

Sweet Audrey is closing in on eight months. We've had a busy couple of weeks and my blogging has paid the price. I was lamenting to myself this morning that I've been really, really crappy about keeping track of milestones, etc. I have a half assed baby book, pediatrician records, a blog and a slew of message boards I need to wade through to compile a record of things. I really, really want to be better about this!!!!

In any event, Audrey is fantastic. Well, the past few days haven't been fantastic between cutting her 3rd tooth (and I suspect her 4th will come through tonight) and a nasty cold but we're getting by.

In the past month Audrey:
* Pulled herself up from a sitting position to a standing position
* Mastered crawling
* Started solid food (not purees, real food!)
* Developed a love for the dog
* Full all babbles - yi yi yi yi, ga ga ga ga, etc
* Is growing some hair, finally
* Can open drawers
* Has held onto furniture and TAKEN SOME STEPS

I am not ready for all of this but it's (obviously) not up to me. It's beyond wonderful to see my baby thrive but I wish there was a way to hold onto her babyhood for a while longer.

What the F is wrong with me?

2008-08-27T08:34:00.001-07:00

I got my period, that's what's focking wrong with me. Although I guess 16 months without having to deal with this is a pretty good run.

Some TMI info: my blood is bright red. I wonder if that means I'm cured? HA hahahahahahahahahahahaha. I'll be interested to see if my cycles are at all regular now. There's no way I'm up for charting yet - Miss A is not at all consistent with when she wakes up at night and is nowhere close to sleeping through the night. I wonder if I might have some luck with OPKs? Or should I just let it go for now and see what happens?

I can feel the obsession starting to creep into my life again. (Although it is MUCH less expensive to obsess over one's ovulation then one's daughter's wardrobe.) My pregnant friend has just scheduled her 18 week sonogram and I'm SEETHING with jealousy. I'm trying very, very hard to be enthusiastic and upbeat (luckily email is our primary form of communication) but it's very difficult. I feel like a really ugly person.

And this period thing is just making it worse. Now I know there is the possibility that I "might could" (I love talking Texan) get pregnant I'm sick with thinking about it. My baby is only 7 months. I do not want my children this close together but I'm fretting about waiting too long and missing my chance. I'll be 33 on Tuesday - if it takes another 2 years then I have the whole "Advanced Maternal Age" thing to concern myself with.

Hopefully the hormones will ease up in a day or two and I can chill. There's nothing gained by all of this worry aside from dark circles under my eyes and a knot in my shoulder.

Crap

2008-08-20T13:29:00.000-07:00

I was cleaning out an old purse last week and stumbled upon a stack of these:

What are those, you might ask?

Let me tell you!

After each appointment with my RE I got one of these fancy blue pieces of paper full of instructions for lab work, nurse visits, sonograms, and appointment requests. Each paper served as a reminder that HEY, YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT. After ovary monitoring sonograms during the 2ww, I'd get an extra note on the back that said something like "If HPT - call for CD3 BW/APPT if HPT + call ASAP for BW". This note reference clomid (cd5-9) so it came toward the beginning of my relationship with my RE. I was probably all optimistic, checking out nursery websites and making a list of potential names for my clomid baby (or babies! Maybe I'll have twins!).

Ha!

Anyway. I tossed out the papers and started to cry. Then went upstairs and GOT MY SLEEPING BABY OUT OF HER CRIB so I could hold and rock her. Luckily she slept through the whole thing because I would have beaten myself if she woke up. Thankfully she won't know her mother is a loon.

Well, she'll probably find out eventually but hopefully it'll be because I'm dropping her off at school in my PJs or something equally as benign/embarassing to her.

Oh man, she's got issues

2008-08-07T12:41:00.000-07:00

A shout out to any Offspring fans out there....

One of my very good friends is pregnant. They were talking about starting to try this fall but she unexpectedly turned up pregnant about 2 months ago. Her father passed away 4weeks ago - thankfully he knew about the baby and was very, very excited.

We were emailing a bit today and I'm filled with rage toward her. It took a while to figure out what my major malfunction is.

I'm hostile* because she's fertile.

She lost her father a month ago and I'm inwardly seething because she got pregnant without even trying. How is that rational?

*for the record, I'm not really hostile. Just angry. I know you know what I mean. And she is really dramatic about everything. And she's one of those people that says things like "Baby wants some Cheetos!" and is "eating for two". I'm still a bad, bad person though.

Single parenting is hard work

2008-08-06T12:17:00.000-07:00

Or

Why I need to stop being such a bitch to my husband.

Audrey and I are having a girls week while Todd is out of town. Holy mother of god, I'm beat. I don't know if Audrey is just picking up on my slightly elevated stress level or if she's teething, etc. but she's been a little "off" since her daddy left. She's doing okay at night - I've been nursing her to sleep downstairs. She sleeps alone until I'm ready for bed around 10 PM then we cosleep until she wakes up anywhere between 2-4 AM. When she finishes nursing again we head upstairs to the rocking chair. She'll fall asleep (or pretty close to it) for a bit then we crash in the guestroom because Mama is too tired to head back downstairs.

It's working but it's not ideal. And don't even get me started on cleaning my pump parts, making bottles and packing my lunch. And laundry? HA! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

I'm not nearly appreciative enough of how helpful Todd is. I'm a shrieking harpy most of the time and I need to cool it. Or at least be a little more physically....available. That would probably making up for the harpy routine :-P

Teeth!

2008-07-28T12:43:00.000-07:00

Well, we went to bed toothless on Friday night and woke up Saturday morning with TWO. That explains the rash of fussiness the past few days, poor thing.

The teeth serve as a swift reminder that Monkey is growing up. I need to get my act together and figure out a plan for solid food. As much as I'd like to nurse her until she gets her drivers license and can get to the store herself, I don't think that's a realistic plan of attack.

We went to the pool again yesterday and had a blast. Luckily I was able to find a bathing suit for myself that didn't make me feel like a whale so I got to play too. We "swam" for almost an hour. Audrey took a nice 2 hour nap, woke up for an hour and went down for another 2 hours after that. I think swimming is going to become a regular part of our weekend.

6 months (and one day) old!

2008-07-21T14:14:00.000-07:00

My heart, my love.

Big girl now!

I am humbled by my love for her. Truly.

Vacation pictures

2008-07-15T10:08:00.001-07:00

I freaking love this kid.

Home, home again

2008-07-08T14:19:00.001-07:00

After being on vacation for the past 9 days it is sweet, sweet relief to finally be at home.

Everything was lovely until our flight home Sunday night. We didn't end up getting back into Austin until 2 AM. No fun in the best of circumstances, hellish with a baby. We're still recovering from sleep deprivation but all is otherwise well.

Babywearers - check this out!

2008-06-27T11:33:00.001-07:00

Win the Essential Babywearing Stash from Along for the Ride (one Beco Butterfly, one Hotsling baby pouch, one BabyHawk Mei Tai, one Zolowear Ring Sling, and one Gypsy Mama Wrap)

Holy cow - wouldn't you love to add all of the above to your stash? Swoon!

5 months old

2008-06-20T13:52:00.000-07:00

First off, thank you for the comments on my previous post. While I hate that there are others thinking/fretting over this it is comforting to know that I'm not alone.

Onto more pleasant things! Like my kid! She's five months today!

And fantastic. So mindblowingly fantastic. I wish you could see the smile on my face when I think of her, I'm practically swooning. I don't recall a time in my life when I've felt as satisfied, content, proud, confident, settled - I could go on. Todd and I could definitely stand to work on our relationship more but all in all, things are pretty good right now.

The kid is healthy, happy and so very funny. She has such a big personality and is simply DELIGHTED by everything. The way she looks around and takes in her surroundings kills me. She's sitting up by herself now so we've put her in a high chair when we've gone out to eat and it's HILARIOUS watching her watching everything.

When she's tired she either morphs into a crankpants or she gets slap happy. She'll laugh at anything. Touch her nose: giggles. Blow raspberries on her feet: giggles. Sneeze: giggles. It's almost worth keeping her up a few minutes too late to goof around a bit.

My favorite time of the day is when her eyes pop open for the first time of the day. She looks over at me with an incredulous expression on her face as if she's overwhelmed with joy that I'm RIGHT. THERE! I have been known to shed a tear or two at the giant smile.

We're thinking about some solid foods within the next 3 - 4 weeks. I don't want to rush it, especially since we have a lot of traveling coming up. I've been reading a lot on www.babyledweaning.com - interesting stuff!

#2

2008-06-11T14:04:00.000-07:00

Last night Todd and I had The Talk about having another baby. Back before I knew how hard it would be to get pregnant I dreamed of have 2 kids pretty close in age. Now that I know what's involved with us getting pregnant (2+ years and a whole lot of drugs/procedures/anxiety), I'm just not sure what I want to do.

I hate the idea of not ever being pregnant again and never having another baby. But on the other hand I don't know if I can emotionally cope with infertility crap again AND be a good mama to Audrey.

This is making me insane. I've been super, duper emotional with every little milestone Audrey hits and I figured out that it's because I'm so terribly afraid that I will never experience any of this again. Sounds like I really want to give it a try, right? So why is it that when I think about getting pregnant again I want to vomit and I can actually feel my heartrate accelerate?

Ugh. Any magic answers out there? Anyone have any heartwarming stories about how much easier it was to conceive #2?

Milestones and a VERY emotional mama

2008-06-09T13:12:00.000-07:00

Dear Audrey,

Right before my very eyes you have morphed from being my Tiny One to my Big Girl. I can't put my finger on the precise moment but I know it happened sometime within the past few days.

My Tiny One was content to sit on her mama's lap and take in the wonders of the world. She would nurse until her belly was full and nuzzle her sweet little cheek against my skin when she was finished and doze off for a few minutes.

My Big Girl is content to sit on my lap but only if she can grab at everything: my glasses, my shirt, the remote control, a pen, my glass of water, our neighbor on the airplane's necklace. Anything within your eyesight is fair game.

My Big Girl can sit all by herself. She can roll from back to belly and belly to back. She can play with toys. If presented with a number of objects she will select for herself which she would prefer to clutch in her little hand.

My Big Girl no longer gives me her undivided attention when I go over to her school to nurse her at lunchtime. She's much too busy watching the other kids play and lunging off of my lap to join them.

I love watching you thrive and live for your gummy smiles. There are no words to describe my love for you. You are my heart.

On the road again

2008-05-31T08:09:00.000-07:00

Audrey and I are heading back for another visit with Nana and the rest of the family. Nana is having her hip replaced on Friday - Audrey and I are flying in to help her get her house rearranged in easier configuration and to give her some snuggle time with the baby. What could be better then that?

This will be Audrey's second trip via airplane. We flew the first time when she was 6 weeks and it was as easy as can be. Hopefully this time is just as smooth! She's MUCH more active now and is distracted (from nursing) much easier so it'll be interesting if nothing else.

If I inadvertently flash anyone at DFW, ORD or on any airplane sorry about that :-)

The best day ever? WTF, Wordpress?!

2008-05-23T14:12:00.000-07:00

http://ourowncreation.wordpress.com/2008/05/22/help-2/#comments

Allison's post about Wordpress's designated "Best Day Ever" touched me. Please, if you can take a moment to click over to her blog, read what's going on and then go back for a visit on 5/29.

As usual, Mel is working her magic to spread this plea throughout the interwebs. Let's all lend a hand.

4 months old!

2008-05-21T13:25:00.000-07:00

Audrey turned four months yesterday. She had a pediatrician appointment in the morning where we learned that she's doubled her birth weight (she's 17lbs 8 oz), she's 24 3/4 in. and her head is 42cm around. As we were waiting for the doctor we did some tummy time on the table. By the time the doctor made it into the room my kid had completely ripped the paper and was stuffing it into her mouth. She's such a little monkey.

And a very brave girl! She got one shot and barely made a peep. She conked out in the car on our way home and had a nice long nap. Mama is very jealous.

Mollie from http://www.photographyinbloom.blogspot.com/ came over to take some pictures. We had such fun!! She posted a sneek peak last night and I'm DYING to see the rest. Some of my favorites:

A Breakthrough?

2008-05-14T10:11:00.001-07:00

Well, hopefully.

For the past two days Miss Audrey has actually taken a bottle at school. She took 2 oz in the morning on Tuesday and 2 oz in the afternoon yesterday. Hopefully this wasn't a fluke and she's realized that she doesn't always have to wait for Mama to get there. When I went over to feed her at lunch she hadn't taken a bottle yet today. In fact, the other breastfed baby refused his bottle too - maybe they're in cahoots with one another?

Do you remember how before you got married everyone said the first year of marriage is the hardest? I beg to differ. The first year of marriage was fine - it's the first year of having a baby that sucks. I feel like I'm constantly angry with my husband and I hate it. I wish he could read my mind because sometimes *I* don't even know what I want or what he can help with. It's frustrating for both of us.

I feel like I have so much responsibility on my shoulders with the baby and he just doesn't get it. Every night I have to wash out her bottles, all of the crap for my breastpump and get all of out bags packed for the next day. I usually go to bed around 9:30 so I can watch a little TV in bed, feed her one more time and then pump if I have to. Audrey has been getting up every 2 - 3 hours to eat since her bottle strike so I'm not getting the best night's sleep. Luckily we're cosleeping but it still isn't very restful. I lucked out last night with five continous hours - woohoo!

Audrey and I are taking Tuesday off. She has to go to the pediatrician for her 4 month check and a couple of vaccinations (we're declining and delaying the same ones as her 2 month appt). We may catch a movie in the afternoon or have some nursing photos taken if the photographer is available. I'm really looking forward to a day of just being a mom!

Happy Anniversary!

2008-05-09T14:10:00.000-07:00

One year ago today I peed on a stick and got a BFP. It was unbelievable. Extraordinary. Unfathomable.

I had already gotten a negative beta that cycle. And my temperature dropped. And I started to spot. For pete's sake, the IUI was cancelled that cycle. And I didn't have a trigger shot. Everyone knows you don't get pregnant from having actual SEX!

But I did. Somehow.

And now I have the loveliest baby I've ever known. She makes all of the infertility crap worth it.

In one hour I will hold her in my arms and tell her all about it.

Knocked down

2008-05-07T14:18:00.000-07:00

The kiddo and I were knocked down by a cold over the weekend. I picked her up from school on Friday and she was a little snotty - it got bad enough on Saturday that I took her in to the pediatrician. Luckily her ears aren't infected or anything, it's just baby's first cold.

And of course, she passed along her illness to me. Awesome. I got hit so hard that the whole family (even Dad) stayed home on Monday and I went to the doctor. Since I'm nursing there's not much I can take without risking a decrease in my supply but I did get a sample of some crazy nasal spray which seems to be doing the trick. Once I conquered my nasal spray fear :-P

We're all on the mend now. Audrey is back to school and I'm back to work. Sigh.

At least it's Wednesday.

I will survive!

2008-05-02T14:31:00.001-07:00

At first I was afraid - I was petrified...

Well, it's Friday and almost time to pick up the baby and head home! We've survived our first 2 days and it hasn't been nearly as bad as anticipated.

A couple of things:

* Audrey will not take a bottle at "school". Luckily I work across the street and can run over and nurse her at lunch. We're going to practice more over the weekend and give it until the end of next week before adjusting my lunch hour to accommodate an extra trip over there everyday. Cross your fingers for us!

* My husband has been out of town all week for work. While it has been especially craptacular getting everything together for Audrey and I to go to work/school I'm very proud of myself for handling it. But that doesn't mean I don't look forward to his help washing pump parts and bottles next week.

* Pumping at work S.U.C.K.S. Hard. Especially when the only place for me to pump is in the bathroom. I've ordered a fancy new pump that I hope arrives early next week - that should help! Although if my kid is still refusing the bottle is there really a point :-P

I'm freaking exhausted. I'm looking forward to crawling into bed and cuddling with my little one tonight. Dad gets home at 9 PM tomorrow - I'm glad to have Crazy Face to myself for a while tomorrow before Daddy gets home and snatches her from me.

Happy weekend everyone!

Anxiety

2008-04-30T20:20:00.000-07:00

By nature, I am not an anxiety ridden person. Sure, things occasionally stress me out but I'm generally very calm and rational.

Until now.

Tomorrow is my first day back at work and I am a wreck. Audrey and I have been doing test runs at daycare for the past two days. She was at "school" for about 3 hours on Wednesday - took a nice nap but no bottle. Today she was there for almost 7 hours. She wouldn't nap for more then 10 minutes but she did take about 3 1/2 ounces. I feel good that she did eat (drink?) but I know it wasn't easy for Miss S to get her to eat and I'm sure my little girl was quite upset :-( I didn't get a warm/fuzzy feeling when I picked her up that it was a good day.

Sigh.

I can't stop crying. I know it'll take a while for us both to adjust - I just hope it's easier on her then it is on me because it's ripping me apart. I'm so overwhelmed getting all of our stuff together for the morning and I"m so afraid that I'm going to forget something important. I have post it notes everywhere to remind me to get my lunch, breastpump, bottles, etc. I'm freaking out about pumping tomorrow - where? When? How much? Luckily daycare is just across the street so I can go over at lunch to feed her but I'm not 100% certain of the logistics behind that either. Where will we be able to go? Will I be able to go back to work after that without having another crazy breakdown?

Speaking of work, how on EARTH will I be able to focus on anything? I'm holding off on bringing in pictures of her until I'm able to drop her off without crying. Hopefully before she turns one.

2008-04-28T10:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Audrey,

Tomorrow is a big day - you're going to daycare for the first time. Mama doesn't go back to work until Thursday but we're going to do a test run or two hoping that will help prevent a major breakdown at the office.

You're going to have a great time at school! The ladies there are so nice and can't wait to hold you and rock you. There's another little girl starting around the same time - maybe you'll be best friends. I've been worrying about dropping you off and fretting when I think about you crying and me not being there to comfort you. What if you have trouble taking a bottle? Or falling asleep in a pack N play all by yourself? Most of all I worry about you not being held. But then I look at your little face and your open mouthed gummy smile - how on earth could anyone NOT want to pick you up and cuddle you? You are the most precious thing in the world!

So tomorrow, school in the morning while Mama goes to the grocery store. I'll pick you up around 1 PM (if I can last that long) and we'll go to the movies. You can sit on my lap and we'll snuggle, letting the characters on the screen take my mind away from the next time I drop you off.

Audreypalooza

2008-04-27T13:36:00.001-07:00

I'm not going to apologize for pimping out my kid.

I swear that's not her margarita.

My younger sister. She's pregnant with her 2nd baby, so exciting!

Amish baby (not really). The gown is an heirloom - I wore it, my mother wore it, etc.

After the ceremony we had a get together at our home. Audrey was blessed with lots of visitors and lots of (unexpected!) presents. Most of the ladies on my husband's side of the family bought her jewelry. I don't know what we're going to do with it but it makes a cute pictures. I swear I just stuck that bow on her head for the picture (it came from one of the packages).

More cuteness, just for fun.

13 weeks

2008-04-22T12:51:00.000-07:00

Well, my kid has been christened, showered with gifts, cuddled by relatives she hadn't met yet and emotionally scarred (probably not) by her mother holding her down and squirting grape flavored reflux medication down her little throat. It's been quite a week. And we still have two more vaccinations to squeeze in at some point.

My parents, MIL & FIL and my SIL & BIL arrived in town this past Thursday. More relatives on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. In total, I think we had 15 out of towners (including my newest nephew who is 2 weeks older then Audrey and cuter then a button). The christening was fantastic and special - Audrey wailed through the whole thing :-) It was particularly funny because she's such an even tempered little thing. It was the first time our visitors heard her cry.

She wore the gown I was christened in. I hope that I'm blessed with a granddaughter someday (someday waaaay off in the future) and she'll wear the same gown.

We had a party after the ceremony. Our friends and neighbors joined in the celebration and we all had a great time. Naturally there was too much food and drink but it wouldn't be a party otherwise. Audrey is very blessed to have so many people that love her.

My mother bought her a beautiful jewelry box. My nutty in-laws filled the box with various bracelets and necklaces. My daughter has pearls, diamonds, silver and gold. She's one lucky girl!

I'll post pictures later this week.

12 weeks old

2008-04-14T09:21:00.000-07:00

Holy cow! This motherhood stuff just gets sweeter and sweeter. The smiles get bigger, the laughs get jollier - it's amazing.

Audrey is fantastic. She has the craziest facial expressions and a funny little personality. We're still going strong with nursing, despite a clogged duct I dealt with this week. A throbbing boob is no fun, especially because my kid is prone to thrashing around while she nurses and I inevitably get pummeled with her tiny fists. It's all good now though! I feel just about 100% better today.

Which is good because we're having her christened this Sunday and we have a ton of family coming in starting on Thursday. It's going to get crazy 'round here! Many of them will be meeting her for the first time - so exciting. She'll be christened in the same gown I wore. My mother held onto the gown and all of the paraphernalia. Very special.

I'm having a work dilemma. I'm trying very hard to come up with a schedule that will allow me to have one more day at home with the baby. So far there doesn't seem to be much flexibility. Please keep your fingers crossed that my latest proposal works out - it will make it a lot easier for me to be away from her those four days knowing that I have three days of her.

11 Weeks

2008-04-06T16:28:00.000-07:00

I am pretty much the worst blogger ever. I've never really been an every day kind of poster but a couple times a week, sure. Looking back, I have an excellent record of my struggle to get where I am today. Sadly, I don't really have a great record of my pregnancy and the first few (eleven) weeks of Audrey's life. I bought a baby book and began to fill in the details and had a hard time remembering the day of her first smile, her first visit to the pediatrician, etc. I checked my blog to see if I had posted about either of those things - I hadn't.

So I'm going to do better! I promise!

And beside, y'all are a whole new group of people to inflict pictures of my child on.

Took this one today. One of the greatest things about living in Texas is that you can pull over on the side of the road, throw your kid in a patch of bluebonnets and take a few (well, 149 to be exact) pictures.

This one was taken post- bluebonnets. She just finished nursing for a bit and seemed so surprised to see me there when she opened her eyes. This picture makes me all swoony.

And this one. If it doesn't make you smile/laugh you are dead inside.

7 weeks old

2008-03-12T14:19:00.000-07:00

It's been ages!

All is well. Sweet baby Audrey is the center of my universe. I couldn't possible be more in love with this little person.

She's doing great, weighing in at 12 lbs 2 oz and 24 inches tall. She has the worlds chubbiest cheeks and a little round belly that I love to kiss. Nursing is getting better but she's recently been diagnosed with reflux. She's taking some medication that seems to be helping. Seeing my little girl in pain is the worst thing in the world.

A picture - can you stand the cuteness?

Better late then never, right?

2008-02-02T07:17:00.000-08:00

She's here. Sweet Audrey Rae made her way into the world at 5:36 AM on Sunday, January 20.

Looking at her leaves me breathless. I love this not so tiny baby (8lbs 12oz) with a passion I didn't know I had in me. She's gorgeous and funny and precious and silly and so many other things Im not capable of putting into words. She inspires me to change the world even if its just to protect her further from all of the bad stuff out there.

I cant count how many times Ive been peed on or how many diapers Ive changed in the past thirteen days. I almost don't remember a time when I wasn't obsessed with the contents of a diaper or how much of a difference two ounces of body weight makes.

Her birth was just about perfect. Painful contractions started around 10:30 pm and came pretty quick. I labored at home until 1:30 am, arrived at the hospital at 2 am dilated to about 8 cm. Thanks to my wonderful husband and our doula I we able to make it without any pain medicatin as planned. I've never done anything so hard in my life nor have I ever felt such a sense of accomplishment.

My home is full of visitors at present time. I'll try to post some pictures soon but trust me when I say she's fantastic.

Still pregnant

2008-01-18T13:27:00.001-08:00

Officially one day overdue.

Not that I ever thought I'd have this baby early or ON my due date.

I went to the OB yesterday morning for my 40 week appointment. It seems I'm a bit more dilated but no other real changes. Still not contractions or anything so we're taking it day by day and I go back again on 1/24 for a follow up. At that appointment we'll do a non-stress test and depending on those results schedule an (gulp) induction.

I'm hoping I go into labor tonight. A. I want to meet our baby and B. I don't want to come to work on Monday. Cross your fingers for me, okay?

39 weeks (holy crap)

2008-01-11T13:37:00.000-08:00

Had an OB appt yesterday with a different doctor. First off - I love her. I'm SO GLAD I'll see her again next week and fervently hope that she'll deliver my baby.

And all of my love for her isn't just because she told me that I'm 2 - 3cm dilated. I swear. She has an awesome bedside manner, is totally laid back and told me my "mellowness" will take me far in the next couple of weeks. She also told me I have the beginnings of a yeast infection and prescribed me a magic pill that will allegedly take it away quickly so it wasn't ALL sunshine and rainbows.

Thankfully my weight gain seems to have tapered off despite all of the crap I've been eating. Once I finish my last bite of Original Coffee Cake I swear I'm going to cut back on the pastries.

I'm definitely okay with still being pregnant although my patience is beginning to wear a bit. I want to meet my baby more than anything in the whole world but I don't want to pressure her into joining the world any sooner than she's ready.

Actually, that's a big, fat lie. I want her now :-)

38 week appointment

2008-01-04T13:25:00.000-08:00

This morning was my 38 week appointment. I saw a different OB since mine is officially out on maternity leave and I really liked her! She had the um...honor (ha!) of doing my first internal exam during which we discovered that I am probably going to be pregnant forever. I'm not dilated at all. Not effaced at all. In fact, my cervix is completely NOT in position. The good news is that the baby is head down and is fairly low in my pelvis. At least one thing is lined up properly :-)

I could tell the doctor felt bad sharing that news with me (especially after measuring my fundal height and determining that for the first time ever I'm actually measuring 2 weeks ahead) but I wasn't surprised at all. I'm still WAY too comfortable to feel like I'm remotely close to giving birth. The women in my family are known for going overdue - I've just assumed all along that I would as well.

In other news, the Group B Strep test was negative - woohoo! No antibiotics for me. We've also gotten just about everything done for the baby that we need to. Her laundry is done, her room is mostly put together and her carseat is installed properly. We have selected a pediatrician (reminder: must program that phone number into my cellphone) and we have a sliding week reserved at the dog camp for Tallulah.

We're just about ready - hopefully this little one is too!

Resolved

2007-12-19T13:57:00.000-08:00

Big sigh of relief.

My husband spoke with his HR department AND his bosses boss and has been assured that if he has to miss his training class there will be no repercussions or problems. In fact, they're going to order him the training materials ahead of time so he can self study (which actually would work better for him what with his ADD tendencies).

We're both tremendously relieved.

Additionally, he's been given the OK to work from home for a bit after the baby is born so no more fretting about him only getting to spend a short bit of time with the tiny one when she comes home with us.

And his douchebag manager was called into a meeting with both HR and the big boss guy. Woot!

A dilemma

2007-12-12T13:04:00.001-08:00

My husband started a new job about 7 months ago (he's in the mortgage industry - ugh). The company is terrific - great pay, benefits, etc. They're very good about communicating to their employees how the market is affecting their bottom line which is very reassuring to me.

A couple of weeks ago they won a big piece of government business (which makes his job MUCH more stable - yay!). In order for Todd to get started on this project he has to get some kind of certification which requires some pretty specific training (a 3 day class). The company is paying to have the trainer come out here so they can get everyone in his division certified at once. Naturally, the training is scheduled for 4 days after my due date.

Todd went to talk to his manager yesterday after the memo with the dates came out. His manager made a really shitty comment about "having to decide what is more important". Luckily he stayed a lot calmer then I would have in that situation and he didn't resign right then and there because there aren't a lot of stable jobs in the industry right now and we can't afford to have him unemployed for very long. He went to talk to HR this morning - she was much more gracious, apologized for the assholeness of his manager and reassured him that they'll figure something out. He has a meeting with his manager's boss (who is the one that scheduled the training) this afternoon to get his feedback. I'm secretly hoping they'll push back the training but I know that isn't realistic at all.

Todd hasn't been there long enough to qualify for FMLA. In fact, he'll only have 2 paid days off when the baby is born. Our tentative plan is for him to take off a 3rd day unpaid and a couple of half days after that. My mother and sister are planning to fly out when I give them the okay (we have no family here). In my mind they would arrive the first 1/2 that Todd goes back to work.

I really don't want to rock the boat too hard with his job. He really likes it there and can see himself working there for a long time, his manager isn't usually such a jackass and they have wonderful benefits. Am I crazy for considering an induction in order to get the logistics of his training, my mother & sister's travel arrangements and our collective piece of mind settled?